Now is Easiest

For me, the past few months have been ideal/overwhelming/productive/unproductive/exciting/frightening/decisive/indecisive/busy/laid-back and all 'round NUTS.  Those moments when everything is lining up, I say to my self "this is the easiest time right now, and will only get harder later."  Then, I lose control again and things get crazy.  Such is life!

There are 2 phrases that I have as my arsenal to combat the hard times - 1) "You are enough", and 2) "Now is easiest".  Arsenal #1 is saved for the hardest times, and I won't go into that detail here.

Arsenal #2 has quite the array of uses; here are a few:

1. After a 13hr travel/work day, I finally get to my car and remember that we need milk, but it takes 20min to get home as it is.  I just need a little breather then I can go again.
2. Get home from work with only a few minutes pause before heading out to an activity so I need to change my clothes and dash out again.  Fun clothes on, work clothes in my hands...closet over there, bed right here.
3. In the checkout line at Walmart (where, I promise, they only have 3 lanes open EVER) with my arms full of groceries, when I remember one more thing we need (and of course it's at the back of the store).  It'll take just as long to come back as it would to get out of line and go get ___.
4. Just cooked dinner, finished washing the dishes, and am heading to finally sit down when I notice a few things I've forgotten on the counter.  "I'll come back and get those later."
5. Because of the type of fence and the landscape curbing, mowing our lawn takes an extra step - Weed-whacking along the edges to get what the mower can't reach.  After the 1hr standard mowing, I just want to go relax.  

For the most part, these are all realistic and justifiable excuses/reasons not to do ___ so sometimes I tell myself "later works just as good".  Then, of course, Jiminy Cricket pipes up "Now is easiest".

1. The extra 15min to/from/at the store will save you the 40 it would be from home and back.
2. You're already holding your clothes, just take the extra steps to the closet.  Then you won't have to take minutes to clean up tonight before getting in bed.
3. Get out of line!  Giving yourself motivation and desire (see 1.) to come back to the store is hard enough.
4. Those handful of packages or dishes will only take a second, and you'll feel better walking out of a clean kitchen so Gma doesn't have to do it.
5. The time it'll take you to rearrange your schedule to edge, then change clothes, walk out to the shed, and then start is ridiculous.  

NOW IS EASIEST!

AML Happiness Is...

#AMLHappinessIs

Last year, I somehow started using "Happiness Is.." for posts/thoughts/photos/moments that just made my whole self smile.  It has stuck!!  I even have a hashtag (my first and only one) to document all those things that fill me with true joy.

When You Wish Upon a Star...

David O. McKay said, "'How may I know when I am in love?' That is a very important question...in the presence of the girl you truly love you do not feel to grovel; in her presence you do not attempt to take advantage of her; in her presence you feel that you would like to be everything that a great man should become, for she will inspire you to that idea.  And I ask you young women to cherish that same guide.  What does he inspire in you?"

I have to try out things!  I can't close off my heart to the possibility of love.  Honestly, I'm afraid of it.  I don't know what it feels like and I'm scared.  I've always dreamed I'll feel bubbles in my heart and fireworks in my stomach but, I'm realizing now that I might just have a peaceful feeling and then I'll know.  Love will take effort and I will have to open up.  John D. Claybaugh said, "Some people expect the Lord to provide a dramatic revelation about their eternal mate, but what usually happens is that we drop our defenses and communicate with a potential spouse, we experience subtle, ongoing spiritual promptings about the relationship.  Inspiration can come only when we are honest with ourselves, our potential mates, and the Lord." ("Dating: A Time to Become Best Friends," Ensign, April 1994)

I recently read a wonderful book about the Mormon dating scene called Base Hits and Home Run Relationships.  Every chapter discussed things that single Mormon girls wish guys knew, relating it to a baseball game (gets me every time), and I started thinking about and listing what I wish and hope the man I will marry knows about dating (and life).

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1.  Don't stop living the Priesthood, even for a moment
I want to look to you for priesthood leadership. You won’t have time to quickly repent and suddenly make yourself worthy when someone in our family needs a blessing. Be ready ALL of the time! Every time you go home-teaching, bless/pass the sacrament, help someone move, give a blessing, perform ordinances, or complete any other quorum assignment, you are showing the Lord that He can count on you. A good woman wants to know that she can count on you, too. I'm betting my future, and even my eternity, on you.

2.  Be a gentleman

Be courteous to cashiers, servers, janitors, EVERYONE.  Your wife is watching and looking to see what kind of father you will be, based on how you treat children.  I'm looking to see what kind of leader you will be, based on how you treat those lesser than you.  I'm looking to see what kind of man you are, based on how you treat everyone - family or not.  The priesthood is a gift that teaches men how to be gentleman by helping them see how to look outside themselves.  Are you selfish or selfless in the way you interact with anyone you encounter or do you make excuses as to why you didn't help?  Do you perform acts of kindness for the people in your family now?  I am a big dreamer whose views on love have been shaped by the pages and reels I've been exposed to (the good old-fashioned stuff) - - I don't have the experience with it, but I know what I expect in a gentleman.    

3.  Stay focused on our goal

We're going to have hard days - bad days, long days, sad days, boring days, and even impossible days.  Please don't give up on our goal of eternity...don't give up on me.  Help us make changes within our relationship to make it even better.  Help us keep going!  If things get hard, I won't give up; I don't know how to.  But, I will always drop anything to run and help, sometimes neglecting other things.  Let me help you.  Let me know what your dreams are.  Together, let's set essential goals and make them happen. 

4.  Be there

Be there.  Be consistent.  I've taken one too many of those "what style of Love are you" quizzes to know that I see and feel love through quality time.  I want to feel that you are there for me no matter what.  Help me to know that you love me -- tell me, and make me say it back.  Show that you care through everything you do.  Help me know that together we can raise our family to be kind, courteous, and wise.  Make time for us.  Make time for that moment when plans change and we can't do what we wanted to do.  Make time for our family.  Make me push aside my stubborn independence to allow you to help.  Make me remember that I am enough for you.  I'm used to being on my own and handling things by myself.  I grew up being completely satisfied with quiet and playing on my own.  I learned so many different skills and abilities so that I can take care of just about any need I have -- fixing/diagnosing cars, basic home repairs, first aid, finances, etc.  I know that I need others, but I don't want to inconvenience anyone by asking for help.  I don't want to add burden to your hard day at the office by making you take the trash out.  Help me see that you are there.  Help me let go of projects so we can work together on our heavenly home.  Don't let me forget to kiss you goodbye as you leave for work, or to talk to you right as you come home.  It doesn't matter so much what exactly you say or do, but it's the thought behind those words or actions that will determine whether or not we've "struck out in the game of love."    

5. Keep things in order and in place

Put Heavenly Father first, ALWAYS!!  Please see how the rest of your life should fit together and live by that order.  Don't postpone friendships for money.  Don't push off essentials in favor or want-to-haves.  Don't forget our relationship because you don't have the time for fun.  Don't let our family go to bed without kneeling together in prayer.  When you're at work, be at work and do your best there so you can come home feeling like you've done your best...and so you can focus on us when you get home.  When you're home, be here with me.   Leave time for fun, even if the lawn doesn't get mowed or the laundry isn't quite folded.  Do you make sure to call your mom every so often?  Do you send your sister a text reminding her to have a good day?  Do you pray for your friend who's struggling?  Do you take a detour to work just so you can drive by the temple and remember the covenants you made there?  Do you make time for those things that are most important to eternity?  

6.  It doesn't have to be extravagant

I don't want fancy.  I don't need bling.  I don't crave over-the-top.  Just spend time with me.  Let's go for a walk down the same road everyday just so we can be together.  Let's sit and laugh through the same movie for the millionth time just because it's our favorite.  Roll your eyes at my sappy music and laugh at my cooing over mushy movies.  Grab my dishwater-wrinkled hand and let's dance around the kitchen until we're dizzy.  Take us on a drive with no destination so we can talk everything out.  I don't need the huge house with the newest gadgets or decorations.  I don't want the best of the best to show off.  I only want what we can build together.  I don't want the big and fancy, I want the real and worthwhile.    

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My tree of love has a lot of bruises and chipped bark.  My branches are mere twigs with sprouts and I don't know how to prune out or graft in, but I know where The Gardener is and how to access the blessings only He can give.  I know that He has given me the experiences that I needed in order for me to become the under-gardener he wants me to be.  I haven't had someone come into my garden and stay long enough to see what my trees have to offer.

Spencer W. Kimball said, "The successful marriage depends in large measure upon the preparation made in approaching it...One cannot pick the ripe, rich, luscious fruit from a tree that was never planted, nurtured, nor pruned".

I don't know what you are doing or where you are right now, but I want you to know that I'm becoming the best that I can be and I only expect the best that you can give.  

Let's Get...Vulnerable

I don't yet know how to let my guard down.  I want to but I just can't.  When someone comes into my life, I am more than ready to do anything for them.  I'll rearrange my schedule and drop tasks, at a moment's notice, in order to help or make time for another person but I always struggle letting someone in to my heart.  I haven't had too many people WANT to be there and I'm hesitant to leave those doors wide open.

Those that have made it into my heart and have seen my tender packets of dreams are those who have shown at all times that they love me.  They love my silly dreams, crazy ideas, and unique goals.  They gently hold the threads that lead to my heartbreaks and have woven them to ribbons that sparkle with understanding and are lined with their support.  They never let go, even if I let the path back go cold.

That's Not Everything

I was at a game night with some (new) friends in my (new) ward and the conversation drifted to dating.  This is NOT my favorite topic, especially in mixed company (he's and she's).  Discussion flowed and swirled around any dating/relationship/flirting topic you can think of when one of the guys piped up....

Before I tell you what he asked, I'll tell you a snippet about this fellow.  He has a medical condition that has severely disabled many of his everyday functions.  His body is basically skin and bones, but his mind is just as sharp as anyone.

....He wouldn't look any of the girls in the eyes, but stared at the ground and asked...."Do you think my condition is the reason no girls like me?"

Everyone sat in silence, not knowing what to say or how to answer.  I thought for a second and replied: "___, your condition is only one part of who you are.  Any girl worth your time will see all the other things that define you and those are what she can decide from.  Yes, our physical appearance is the first thing any potential partner sees, but they have to look inside to find a match."

Once I said that, others chimed in and the discussion moved on to other exciting things.

When I got home that night, and many nights since, I have had to sit my heart down and remind myself of that very thing -- this thing/weakness/quirk/flaw is only one part of who I am.  I am worth looking into; I am worth being loved.  I am like an antique book -- only those who really know the worth of the story inside will place me among his other treasures.  That man is the only one I want.  He is the one to whom I will open the pages of my deepest heart.

Cannot be Separated

"Remember Mormon’s promise: that such love—the love we each yearn for and cling to—is 'bestowed' upon 'true followers of Christ.' You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Or, to phrase that more positively, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way 'never faileth'." -- Jeffrey R. Holland

Perceptions

"Perceptions are right 100% of the time." - Dad

Whatever I perceive about a situation is completely correct.  What you perceive about me is correct.  What the team perceives about the outcome of the game is correct.  Without the full knowledge or information on the situation, all you have is perception.  That is all that stands between you and what you see.

Life is Like a Book

Life does not give you the people that you want; it gives you those whom you need to love, to help you, to leave you, to hurt you, and make you the person that you are.  Actually, it's like a book!  You must turn the pages to move forward, and sometimes the chapter you like will be resolved to end.

As You Go Then You Don't Have To

I learned this while watching my parents.  My mom can and does cook absolutely everything on the planet...and my dad would go along and clean up behind her.  Often, it would drive her nuts that he'd put the flour away right after she'd turned her back to stir in sugar.  BUT, the kitchen was always clean by the time we got to eat.  My dad would always say "clean as you go then you don't have to clean."

To me, there is nothing more frustrating than cooking and seeing the pile of dishes getting bigger and bigger.  It's like a monster that just keeps growing.

Here are a few tips I use while cooking in order to keep things under control.

Keeping a Clean Kitchen While Cooking.

1. Start Clean.  It's hard to start cooking when there is already a sink full of dirty dishes.  When the sink is full it make is so you can't wash a rinse any bowls or utensil while you're going.  It also just creates a difficult atmosphere to cook in.  Try to make sure you start with a clean workspace, it's going to make it easier to end up with one.

2. Get out everything you need at the beginning. Take a minute to plan out what you're making and the order you would like to do it. Get out all your ingredients, utensils, bowls and pots and pans.  This way you have a plan and are not just "winging" it.

3. Garbage Bag.  This is a perfect way to keep your trash off the kitchen counter or just to keep you from running to the garbage can.  As you peel and slice, just toss the scraps in the bag then, when you're finished, just toss the whole bag.  My roommates tease me about this, but I'll never change.

4. Clean up as you go. The mess can pile up fast if you move onto cooking or baking a second item before you get your first one put away.  Lots of ingredients, bowls and utensils on the counter also make it hard to find what you need and you may end up using 4 spoons and extra mixing bowls.

5. Wash off your bowls and cooking utensils as you go. If you are cooking 2-3 things, no need to grab a new bowl.  Do a quick rinse with hot water and soap and you should be good to go for your next recipe in a flash.

6. Make more 1 dish meals.  One dish meals on the stove top like stir-fry and soup are a great way to keep the pans under control.  Ans some of you may not like this idea  but I will often mix casseroles in the same dish I bake them in, why dirty up a big bowl just to pour into the baking dish?  You have to use your judgement, but personally I have found very little sticking issues.

7. Grate cheese onto a paper towel.  Not the biggest "green" tip.  But I don't mind occasionally using paper products when it will save me on a bit of clean up.

8. Double your recipe and freeze for another night.  This one is kind of a bonus tip because it won't keep your kitchen cleaner the 1st time around, but it will the next time when you don't have to cook!

How do you keep the kitchen clean while you are cooking? What are your best tips?

I'm Not a “Plan B” Kind of Girl

I deserve better than someone who is afraid to commit to me. It may seem like enough for now. I'm just taking things slow. Oh, how I know those little phrases of “one day” and“we just need time."  I believe them. I’ve ALWAYS believed them.

But I'm NOT a plan B kind of girl.

I need to know that I'm not the invisible one standing in the back who gets chosen last.  I'm the girl who the team captain will be frantically hoping doesn’t get picked by someone else before he gets a turn. I'm a first-pick kind of girl. And no one worth having sits back and lets those girls wait around.  ‘Cause every good man knows that the good ones get gone fast.  

He should be jumping out of his skin in anticipation to call out my name and say “I pick you.”

“But he’s scared” “…and I’ve got commitment issues” “…and we don’t like labels.”

And. And. And.

Like a fool, I’ve stood there picking at the fabric of my sweater and spinning excuses. I’ve heard them all. I’ve used them all. “He’s been hurt.” “He’s busy.” “He’s in school.” “He doesn’t have a good car.” “He has Momma issues.” “His Dad left.” “His Great Aunt’s second cousin’s puppy just died.”

I'm not the kind of girl who needs to make excuses for him.  Good girls don’t have to finish last.

I must be at the wrong game and with the wrong players. Because I'm not a substitute, average, or second string.  I'm a catch. I am beautiful and funny and fabulous. Rooms light up when I walk in. Heads turn when I giggle and the earth itself adores the kiss of my feet.  I am worthy to be chosen, pursued, adored, loved, respected and informed. This whole “Do we really have to define this thing?” is almost always a delicate way of asking “Will you fill this lonely spot until I decide nothing better is coming along?”  

Stop being afraid that I am not worthy enough to be claimed. Stop thinking “I’ll take what I can get. Maybe I will be enough for him one day. Maybe he will be enough for me.”  Don’t even consider the lie that says; “I can’t set my standards too high, because if I do, I might end up alone.”  Better to be alone than taken for granted. Better to be alone than to be a placeholder.

The one that loves you isn’t afraid to say it. If he loves you, he won’t even blink because the idea of giving another man the chance to swoop in is just unacceptable.He’ll fight and use labels or poems or the Goodyear blimp to show you that you’re just the right fit for that open place in his heart. That no other piece will do.  

You should be nobody’s second choice. And if you are, then they are just that; NOBODY.

He’ll lose his pride to tell me that I make him nervous and he’ll spend his heart to find what makes me laugh. He’ll tell me that I'm worth words and flowers and promises.  And I'll believe him, because I'll see it in the way he watches me across a room. I won’t have to question it by analyzing a text message or deciphering the tone of an e-mail. Because he’ll drive over just because and I'll see it in his face and hear it in the way he asks about my day.  My answer will lie in the memories of nervous beginnings and awkward introductions. I'll know because the questions didn't take long to fade. Because he said what he meant and meant what he said. And even when he messed up; he made up.

I'm not his back pocket plan, fill-in girl, or multiple choice answer. I am fierce and a force to be reckoned with and the kind of girl whose beauty calls for hand-written notes, words like “wow” and car rides to the ocean. Take nothing else and be nothing less.

Note to self:  Be the kind of girl who deserves him and treats him with kindness. Who laughs at his jokes and thanks him when he opens your door. Leave the head games behind you. Encourage him and wear the kinds of dresses that make him respect you. Be the kind of girl who gasps at his surprises and hugs him for his compliments. Be worthy of the kind of man that you deserve and & the man that he was born to be.
Stop waiting for the guy who isn't sure you’re enough and respect yourself enough to wait for the one that knows you are.

How to Move Forward

The worst part about the past is dwelling on it. And the worst about dwelling on it is, it seems to jinx us and reoccur in our future, even though we’re trying really hard to avoid it.  As though to teach us a different lesson, or even reemphasize what we should've learned the first time, the ugly head of the past shows up and knocks us back down.

I've made the mistake of giving too much in my relationships - with friends, guys, family, even myself.  Sacrificing me, in order to promote them.  I put everything I am on the table for them to peruse, only to find that the most delicate and important parts are brushed aside or overlooked.  I do everything I can to make sure the other person is taken care of and happy.  Their needs always come first, no matter what I must give up.  In so doing, I forget my own needs.  I’m guilty of overcompensating, as a way to encourage others to stick around. I guess it comes down to my belief that if I am alone forever, it is because I didn't do enough.  I was never the first picked on the playground, never the first to have a partner in projects, never the one asked to dance, never the one excitedly chosen for games, and never the girl any guy would even consider.  I was just the shoulder to cry on, the one on the side who observes, gives advice, listens for countless hours, helps get ready, but the one that silently aches for someone to find me.

But the most destroying thing I did to myself was stay around a bunch of damaging people, and convince myself that doing so was the key to being accepted, the key to happiness, the key to success for my heart.  While I was doing everything for them, I let them control every aspect of the relationship, just so they’d stick around. In order for the other person to shine, I'd muffle my talents.  I'd give up my own time, to make them smile.  It’s a damaging cycle to fall in...and I do it every time.

I didn't have anyone close enough to me to sit down with me, lovingly show me my true worth, and work with me so I'd want to shine - want to be noticed.  I never had anyone help me figure out what was really going on, and help me work towards what was better - more worthwhile, and overall, what I desperately needed.  I thought I was doing it right, thought I was making it so people would see me as worth being noticed.  Except, I wasn't the only friend in the equation, not the only girl on the bargaining table.  This led to my feeling that I was not good enough for anyone, which then leads to another path of overcompensation to prove I AM worthwhile.

Despite the unbalanced nature of my childhood (because I felt I was doing the best I could at being a friend) it wasn't until very recently that can I see my relationships through untainted lenses. When I came to college, leaving everyone and everything I ever knew, I was blessed with true friends - best friends.  My trust and love grew, and I learned how important it is to be honest with myself, and allow people to love me and be my foundation.  I began to open the doors of my deepest feelings, unlocking the painful past, and even encouraging those closest to me to come in and pick up the broken pieces.

Now, those friends approach me and state the facts of my failing relationships, but for some reason I just cannot get on that same page.  I just cannot allow myself to feel special.  That is the part of the story that I just can't let go of.

To me, I'm still the second best, still the one left out, still the one they'll never choose, still the one who doesn't quite fit the bill.  The worst thing I've done to myself, is compare myself to others. In every friendship, I've compared myself to someone they have spent more time with, dated, commented on, or admired.  It's emotionally consuming and draining, but it's human nature, isn't it? So how can I fight that? In a perfect world, I would recognize my true worth and exude confidence. I would see myself as great, and know that anyone who doesn't think so, is not worth my time.  In this world, in my reality, that hasn't happened yet. There are good days when I feel awesome, but I’m not 100% awesome all the time. Feeling and accepting that I'm the duckling that doesn't match is a confidence-sucking state.  It didn't take me one day to get to this point of self-doubt, so it'll take time to build myself up.  Most days, I climb up, but then just one thought, one word of discouragement, one glance over the shoulder, and I slip further down than where I started.

I have to believe everything happens for a reason, and that what happens in life affects who you will be.  I also believe that who you allow to influence your heart, also provides the greatest indicator of how you continue to grow.  So, I sometimes have to reflect on the bad, and realize that it has made me a better person for having survived. And then, I think how thankful I am that my life has gone the way it has, and where I am today. I couldn't imagine myself surrounded by anyone else.

Thoughts

You have the hair of a goddess. It has to be a German goddess....like...like Brumhilda!

Kismet or Curve-ball

I've always been one of those people who find it hard to believe in anything that I can't see, feel, or know for sure.  I believe in people, in love, and in friendships, but not in fate or some random power making out my destiny.  But, lately, something has started to shift in me.  The choices I've been faced with, the completely unexpected route my life has taken, got me thinking.  Every once in a while I find myself thinking "How did I get here?"  I know how I got here, it all makes perfect sense, yet, it doesn't make sense at all.  Do you know what I mean?  I'm constantly surprised by the way my life has panned out, and I can't even imagine what lies ahead.

People often say if you have a clear vision of your future and work toward it, you will eventually get there.  And I believe in visions, in goals, and especially in dreams that take us further.  But, what I've come to realize is that we don't know how to create that vision, because we can't possibly see the curve-balls life has in store for us.  When I think back on my dream and vision that I had 5 years ago for my present day, I can only laugh, because there is not one single thing from that vision that has come true.  Except me still being alive.  But, I'm not complaining.  My life now is actually better than I envisioned.  It's completely different, but so much more fulfilling.

I'll still be dreaming and visioning my future, but I'm starting to happily welcome those curve-balls, because they often take me to a better place.  Even if it is through a challenging time.  I know that a beautiful life is waiting for me on the other side.  Life is good.

Come On, Get Happy!

It's amazing how days can flip back and forth, and by that I mean one day will be the best day of your life and the next seems like nothing is going right. It doesn't make a lot of sense but being able to recognize when I'm having a bad day and the reasoning behind it really helps calm my inner storm.

I've had a rough couple of days in the past few weeks and sometimes a little, good ol' sunshine and a nice, long walk really helps, but here's a few other things that can help turn that frown upside down.

1. Be Optimistic.

I know this can be hard to do when you're having a down day but there's a few things I do that really help me out:

• I often try to see the glass as half-full instead of half-empty. If I'm having a bad hair day, I think of something positive about it like how I like the length or the color. When work becomes suffocating and stressful, a walk outside in the fresh air reminds me of how lucky I am to have such good job. 
• Add up the little things that have gone right. The sun is shining and I can go outside. I didn't spill any lunch on my white sweater. I get to leave work a little earlier. 
• Avoid situations where things can go wrong. (This is silly but...) If I try to return something I've bought and I know the salesclerk is going to give me a hassle (and she does!) I always end up in a bad mood afterwards. Ask yourself beforehand, "Am I setting myself up for success or failure?" 
• Remember the quote: "Be kind; for everyone is fighting a hard battle. Remind yourself that some other people have it worse than you do. Ask yourself, "Is this really that bad? Will it matter in a few days, a week from now?"

2. Spend time with people who love you.

Hands down, the best thing on a rough day. For me, I don't think there's anything better than just hashing it out with a friend. A friend because they'll likely understand and listen better to what you have to say. Sometimes all you need is a good ear but spending time with people you love and who love you too reminds you that there are people out there who have your back and a shoulder to lean on.

3. Serve others.

Growing up whenever I was down, my mom would say, "do something for others." At the time it was frustrating to hear but doggone it she was always right. Forgetting about yourself and doing something for someone else always helps. If it's hard to think of what exactly to do, remember it can be anything no matter how small. For example, my mom would always suggest things like "go make Taylor's bed," or "Dad needs his shirts ironed" or she'd even throw in some for herself like "you can sweep the kitchen floor." (Loved those ones!)

All in all, being happy is up to us. I can choose to wake up and let one little thing ruin the rest of my day or I can stop and say to myself, "I am going to be happy today." We get to decide and I hope this will help you decide to have a good day too and better days to come as well!

Love Yourself

Most of us can admit to loving things about ourselves, but do we love our selves? The parts that make us, us? “A woman’s happiness is in throwing everything away to live for love,” says Ai Yazawa. But this living for love does not mean throwing away our dreams and desires. No, it means fully entering oneself, while ridding of any pre-conceived notions about beauty and value and worth. It means embracing our crooked noses, snorting laughter, the stretch marks, saggy boobs, tea-bag eyes and warty feet. It means accepting our humanness, but more than that. It means approaching ourselves like author Anne Lamott does: with kindness and laughter. “Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life,” she writes. “It has given me me. It has provided time and experience and failures and triumphs and time-tested friends who have helped me step into the shape that was waiting for me. I fit into me now.”We each have a shape. It may not be perfect, but it’s ours. A unique space in history to fill.

Quote of the day

"Being tender and open is beautiful.  As a woman, I feel continually shh'ed - too sensitive, too mushy, too wishy-washy.  Blah blah!  Don't let someone steal your tenderness.  Don't allow the coldness and fear of others tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart.  Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things.  Whether it's a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all.  Look around you.  All of this is for you.  Take it and have gratitude.  Give it and feel love." - Zooey Deschanel

Want to Know Me?

What Makes Baseball Appealing...to ME

Well, all I can tell you is why I like to watch them.  Of course, they are way better when you are actually in the stadium.  For me, it is a slow game that with one swing of the bat everything changes.  You instantly have action.  The batter trying to get to first as fast as he can, and the fielders trying to catch the ball to get him out or catch it and throw him out at first.  Watching the pitcher interact with the catcher to try and fool the batter on what he is about to pitch, whether it be a fastball, curve, slider, change-up, etc.  Then, seeing if the batter can guess right and make contact.  Then, ever so often the batter makes solid contact and anything can happen.  It can be a home run or a fielder that can make a fantastic play and get the batter out.  Or occasionally, the fielder makes an error and the batter is safe.  A game can be turned around by one single play on the field.  Hard to explain why this game is so much fun to watch.  You really have to be there to understand.

I psych myself out...every time

I'll admit it, I'm as guilty as a lot of ladies at watching what I say to a guy for fear of appearing “too forward?”. The other day, while talking with a good friend, he explained to me that when girls do this they might be accidentally sabotaging their chances of meeting and getting together with a great, available guy…and what does work to capture his interest.

Tell me if you’ve ever done this: you come across a guy who’s your type, but pretend not to be too into him because you think he might not be into you. Or perhaps you automatically assume he must already be taken. So you play it safe.  You look away when he looks at you, you get busy in a conversation with someone when he approaches you, or you distract yourself with something right after you talk so he can’t see how nervous you feel. And you do these things hoping he’ll make a “move” or do or say something that will send a signal that he’s interested in you, too.

If you’re thinking, “Yeah, that totally sounds like the kind of stuff I do when I meet someone I’m attracted to!” then you’re not alone. And you’re probably feeling pretty frustrated. That's how I feel!

Advice I was given - - WHY WHAT I'M DOING ISN’T WORKING
When you play it cool with a guy because you don’t want him to know you’re interested, guess what happens? You come across as disinterested – maybe even cold! Not the way you’d want a man you’re interested in to describe you, is it?

Most guys have been through the ringer – and have been rejected countless times by women. So a guy won’t automatically assume you’re interested in him. And he won’t attempt to decode your behavior. He’ll think you’re giving him the brush off, and he’ll try his chances elsewhere – with a woman who is warm, open, and shows him it’s safe to approach.

Start changing now - - SHIFT MY MINDSET…AND INCREASE MY ODDS
Now, I know why I play it cool – I'm trying to protect myself. Just like it’s hard for a guy to drum up the courage to approach me and risk rejection, it’s equally scary for me to put myself “out there” and not get anything in return. But here’s the thing. When I play it cool, I also unconsciously switch off that open place in my heart that captures a man’s genuine attention and interest. Instead, I end up taking in the attention of the men who choose me while limiting my ability to be the chooser...aka, nothing happens.

I miss the opportunities with all of those wonderful, emotionally available men who are out looking for a woman who has the confidence to find them.

What I'm going to do - - A MUCH COOLER APPROACH
How do you think men would respond if you were that woman who believed that every man you start talking to could be single, interesting, and interested? And how do you think men would feel around you if they didn’t see that you looked at them suspiciously as though they might be like some of the other men who disappointed you in the past?

Here’s what I want to do: for the next week, go out into the world and behave AS IF every man I meet will likely turn out to be a good guy…even my Mr. Right. That means that instead of playing it safe, I'll become curious and genuinely interested in the men I come in contact with.

When I let my guard down and assume the best in a man, guess what happens? He feels comfortable with me and accepted by me. These are two key elements a man needs to feel in order to see me as the kind of woman he can have a lasting, connected relationship with.

Always Believe in Yourself

A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on her own wings.