When You Wish Upon a Star...

David O. McKay said, "'How may I know when I am in love?' That is a very important question...in the presence of the girl you truly love you do not feel to grovel; in her presence you do not attempt to take advantage of her; in her presence you feel that you would like to be everything that a great man should become, for she will inspire you to that idea.  And I ask you young women to cherish that same guide.  What does he inspire in you?"

I have to try out things!  I can't close off my heart to the possibility of love.  Honestly, I'm afraid of it.  I don't know what it feels like and I'm scared.  I've always dreamed I'll feel bubbles in my heart and fireworks in my stomach but, I'm realizing now that I might just have a peaceful feeling and then I'll know.  Love will take effort and I will have to open up.  John D. Claybaugh said, "Some people expect the Lord to provide a dramatic revelation about their eternal mate, but what usually happens is that we drop our defenses and communicate with a potential spouse, we experience subtle, ongoing spiritual promptings about the relationship.  Inspiration can come only when we are honest with ourselves, our potential mates, and the Lord." ("Dating: A Time to Become Best Friends," Ensign, April 1994)

I recently read a wonderful book about the Mormon dating scene called Base Hits and Home Run Relationships.  Every chapter discussed things that single Mormon girls wish guys knew, relating it to a baseball game (gets me every time), and I started thinking about and listing what I wish and hope the man I will marry knows about dating (and life).

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1.  Don't stop living the Priesthood, even for a moment
I want to look to you for priesthood leadership. You won’t have time to quickly repent and suddenly make yourself worthy when someone in our family needs a blessing. Be ready ALL of the time! Every time you go home-teaching, bless/pass the sacrament, help someone move, give a blessing, perform ordinances, or complete any other quorum assignment, you are showing the Lord that He can count on you. A good woman wants to know that she can count on you, too. I'm betting my future, and even my eternity, on you.

2.  Be a gentleman

Be courteous to cashiers, servers, janitors, EVERYONE.  Your wife is watching and looking to see what kind of father you will be, based on how you treat children.  I'm looking to see what kind of leader you will be, based on how you treat those lesser than you.  I'm looking to see what kind of man you are, based on how you treat everyone - family or not.  The priesthood is a gift that teaches men how to be gentleman by helping them see how to look outside themselves.  Are you selfish or selfless in the way you interact with anyone you encounter or do you make excuses as to why you didn't help?  Do you perform acts of kindness for the people in your family now?  I am a big dreamer whose views on love have been shaped by the pages and reels I've been exposed to (the good old-fashioned stuff) - - I don't have the experience with it, but I know what I expect in a gentleman.    

3.  Stay focused on our goal

We're going to have hard days - bad days, long days, sad days, boring days, and even impossible days.  Please don't give up on our goal of eternity...don't give up on me.  Help us make changes within our relationship to make it even better.  Help us keep going!  If things get hard, I won't give up; I don't know how to.  But, I will always drop anything to run and help, sometimes neglecting other things.  Let me help you.  Let me know what your dreams are.  Together, let's set essential goals and make them happen. 

4.  Be there

Be there.  Be consistent.  I've taken one too many of those "what style of Love are you" quizzes to know that I see and feel love through quality time.  I want to feel that you are there for me no matter what.  Help me to know that you love me -- tell me, and make me say it back.  Show that you care through everything you do.  Help me know that together we can raise our family to be kind, courteous, and wise.  Make time for us.  Make time for that moment when plans change and we can't do what we wanted to do.  Make time for our family.  Make me push aside my stubborn independence to allow you to help.  Make me remember that I am enough for you.  I'm used to being on my own and handling things by myself.  I grew up being completely satisfied with quiet and playing on my own.  I learned so many different skills and abilities so that I can take care of just about any need I have -- fixing/diagnosing cars, basic home repairs, first aid, finances, etc.  I know that I need others, but I don't want to inconvenience anyone by asking for help.  I don't want to add burden to your hard day at the office by making you take the trash out.  Help me see that you are there.  Help me let go of projects so we can work together on our heavenly home.  Don't let me forget to kiss you goodbye as you leave for work, or to talk to you right as you come home.  It doesn't matter so much what exactly you say or do, but it's the thought behind those words or actions that will determine whether or not we've "struck out in the game of love."    

5. Keep things in order and in place

Put Heavenly Father first, ALWAYS!!  Please see how the rest of your life should fit together and live by that order.  Don't postpone friendships for money.  Don't push off essentials in favor or want-to-haves.  Don't forget our relationship because you don't have the time for fun.  Don't let our family go to bed without kneeling together in prayer.  When you're at work, be at work and do your best there so you can come home feeling like you've done your best...and so you can focus on us when you get home.  When you're home, be here with me.   Leave time for fun, even if the lawn doesn't get mowed or the laundry isn't quite folded.  Do you make sure to call your mom every so often?  Do you send your sister a text reminding her to have a good day?  Do you pray for your friend who's struggling?  Do you take a detour to work just so you can drive by the temple and remember the covenants you made there?  Do you make time for those things that are most important to eternity?  

6.  It doesn't have to be extravagant

I don't want fancy.  I don't need bling.  I don't crave over-the-top.  Just spend time with me.  Let's go for a walk down the same road everyday just so we can be together.  Let's sit and laugh through the same movie for the millionth time just because it's our favorite.  Roll your eyes at my sappy music and laugh at my cooing over mushy movies.  Grab my dishwater-wrinkled hand and let's dance around the kitchen until we're dizzy.  Take us on a drive with no destination so we can talk everything out.  I don't need the huge house with the newest gadgets or decorations.  I don't want the best of the best to show off.  I only want what we can build together.  I don't want the big and fancy, I want the real and worthwhile.    

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My tree of love has a lot of bruises and chipped bark.  My branches are mere twigs with sprouts and I don't know how to prune out or graft in, but I know where The Gardener is and how to access the blessings only He can give.  I know that He has given me the experiences that I needed in order for me to become the under-gardener he wants me to be.  I haven't had someone come into my garden and stay long enough to see what my trees have to offer.

Spencer W. Kimball said, "The successful marriage depends in large measure upon the preparation made in approaching it...One cannot pick the ripe, rich, luscious fruit from a tree that was never planted, nurtured, nor pruned".

I don't know what you are doing or where you are right now, but I want you to know that I'm becoming the best that I can be and I only expect the best that you can give.  

Cannot be Separated

"Remember Mormon’s promise: that such love—the love we each yearn for and cling to—is 'bestowed' upon 'true followers of Christ.' You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Or, to phrase that more positively, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way 'never faileth'." -- Jeffrey R. Holland

Perceptions

"Perceptions are right 100% of the time." - Dad

Whatever I perceive about a situation is completely correct.  What you perceive about me is correct.  What the team perceives about the outcome of the game is correct.  Without the full knowledge or information on the situation, all you have is perception.  That is all that stands between you and what you see.

Time to Catch Up

Little One sternly reminded me that I needed to do some blog updates.  Here's a run-down of the past 12 months.  (I'll try to do a post on each of these...at some point)

May 2014 -- Baby Brother married

June 2014 -- Summer yard and garden fun

July 2014 -- Got to visit all the East Coast Lind families

August 2014 -- Spent lots of time with new family

September-- Got to be a Wedding photographer

October 2014 -- Sports and time with Keri

November 2014 -- BYU Football

December 2014 -- Gettysburg Christmas

January 2015 -- Experimented with fancy foods

February 2015 -- Professional Cooking Classes

March 2015 -- Made LOADS of new friends

April 2015-- Grad-a-ma-nation

May 2015 -- Adventures in Zion's National Park

June 2015 -- Wedding Season

June 2015 -- Craft Central Station 

Family Ties

Growing up, whenever we'd come to visit, I always got to play with Catie.  We are only about 18months apart, and have stayed good friends ever since we were small.  Catie lived a couple houses up the street from my grandma's, and I even had her phone number memorized.  We were inseparable anytime we were together.  Now we're all grown up, and I get to spend every Wednesday with her, her mom, and grandma.  I love those "days off" with them.  

We took this picture at our cousin Kyley's baby shower in November.  There are 3 generations represented here (baby Roman hadn't made his debut yet).  Since this picture was taken, Catie has bought a house, had an adorable baby boy, and is getting married.  I'm so proud of her and I'm excited to see what happens next.

Crackin' dem Crackers

For as long as I can remember, I've had a little love of Nutcrackers.  I think it all stems to growing up in Germany - the land of the Nutcrackers.

On one of my parents' visits to Utah, my mom and I wandered around some quilt and fabric stores.  Since it was near the holidays, a lot of the quilts hanging around were of snowmen, bells, trees, and santas.  In the far back of a little shop, I saw the most adorable Nutcracker quilt.  I oooed and awwed over it for awhile until my mom joined me and said "we can make that, if you want.  We can create that pattern.  Look at the faces and get an idea of how they're put together."  Those instructions from my mom are some that I'm so used to hearing.  My mom can make anything, just by looking at it.  I truly mean ANYTHING - food, clothes, crafts, ANYTHING.  My task always was, to learn that skill by analyzing to see how I can recreate them.  I took pictures and critiqued the stitches on the Nutcracker eyes, but the idea of making my own quilt from start to finish just plain intimidated me.  

I kept the Nutcrackers in the forefront of the back of my mind, with no sight of starting it any time soon.  My mom wouldn't be in town much longer, and I knew that I would NOT be starting such a project without a mentor - that's disaster waiting to happen.  

Then, came the day before I'd get to go home for Christmas.  My mom called to say that my aunt had the Nutcracker pattern I'd been oogling months before.  I got excited!  As soon as I got home, I was ready to get going.  Overall, it took me 3 days to start and finish my first real wall-hanging quilt.  

Mom took me to this little fabric store in Chambersburg.  We spent a good couple hours browsing.  I knew I wanted a non-Christmas colored quilt so that broadened my options.  One of the first bolts I pulled was this fantastic paisley print in what I call "India colors".  (Sidenote - I've also been almost obsessed with India for most of my childhood).  That was the springboard of inspiration, followed by a really fun "hair printed" fabric for, what else, the hair.  Mom has hundreds of different scraps and pieces of fabric so we only needed to get the larger pieces or patterns I couldn't live without.  After gathering all the fabrics and making the pattern pieces, I was aching to start.  Here's the stash:

As soon as all the pieces were cut out, I laid them out.  Each Nutcracker HAD to have their own personality.  That was my favorite part!  All the pieces laid out and ready to press.  In my limited quilting experience I've learned that Fusible is the best creation ever.  You just iron it to your fabric, cut it out, and iron it down.  Then all you have to do is sew around it.  The Fusible glues the pieces together, and...makes life so easy.  Here, the noses were just ironed down, and I'm ready to get sewing.  Couldn't decide which was my favorite face.  Can you?

By the time I'd blanket-stitched around all of them, I still didn't have a favorite, but I was tired - - 2am.  If my eyes hadn't been burning...and my mentor-mom hadn't already gone to bed, I'd have been able to keep going.  Oh well, day 2.  My mom has stuff for all craft projects imaginable - hence my creative/thrifty nature - so, of course, she'd have tiny black beads for the eyes.  The original quilt had fabric eyes, but that just wouldn't do for a "Ladies Lind craft project".  

Once I was this far, there isn't much visible progress, so I didn't photograph.  BUT, I will give you the rundown.

After adding the borders and prepping the backing, the tricky task was to quilt the quilt.  While I was on my mission, my mom got a 15ft long-arm quilting machine.  This monstrous piece of sewing equipment came in handy.  I'd never used such a thing before, but my mom told me, then showed me, and finally set me loose.  I stayed up uber late working, because I was having so much fun.  My mom was so impressed that she wants me to quilt her projects from now on.

The quilting on the quilt

My favorite block

Finished project

Tradition Passed and Passed

raised and ready to bake

HOMEMADE rolls have always been the staple for all Lind holidays/special occasions. Mom always made them, while we drooled, eagerly awaiting the soft goodness.  Those rolls are one of the most prominent memories I have...and my favorite too.  Aside from those delicious clouds of (insert your own word here), hard-crust European bread is one of the only breads I enjoy.  This year, the roll-torch was passed to me.  I was terrified by such an overwhelming task of living up the expectations of perfection in EVERY SINGLE BATCH.  I've made them for roommates and friends, but never dared for my family - too much pressure to follow the expertise of mom and grandma.  BUT, they requested and trusted me anyway.  I guess they're trying to observe my transformation to being a dream-making mom.  I know the recipe by heart, but with all the stress of having two experts' eyes watching every knead, I still needed the scarp of ancient paper.  The rolls turned out "exactly like mom's" (as everyone gleefully exclaimed through crumb-encrusted lips).  Needless to say, they were scarfed down at dinner...and sneaked off before.  Then late that night, when Baby Brother came back from spending the day in Salt Lake, he and cousin J polished off the last 9 without anyone knowing.  When the rest of us awoke, we were devastated to discover we'd have to endure a roll-less breakfast (we were ALL counting on having at least one in the morning).  Grandpa demanded more so I spent the afternoon baking, and literally hiding them throughout the kitchen/cupboards in separate batches, should one be discovered...just like mom and grandma have done for years.

Gradu-mi-nation

I recently reached a huge life-changing milestone --- I GRADUATED FROM BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY!!!!  Not only did I graduate, but I graduated with a double major of English and German Studies AND was offered a staff position in my office at the MTC in Human Resources.

It's been a long and often insane journey, but it was definitely worth all the work, all the pain, and all the late nights.  Throughout it all, I had such fantastic friends and roommates who were there for each other and me.  We've changed so much since that first day in Fox 49.  We've grown up and hit some of our dreams.  We've served missions, found jobs, met husbands, and moved on with our lives.  Who would've thought we'd stick together as long as we have.  Each year brought with it new challenges, some heartbreaks, some new adventures, and, overall, a TON of fun.  This past semester was the last time we'd live together.  Domestic Goddess is in DC, Little One is engaged, CC attends Grad School in Logan, and AV is living a big-kid life and job, and EmJ is traveling the world and interning for reals.  We're all so different, but somehow we've stayed closer than any friends possibly could.  I'm so grateful for what we've shared.  They've been a few of the strongest forces in helping me become who I am today.  

Growing up, my parents have always stressed the importance of education.  We were lead by the example of two loving people who both achieved higher education and then continued to learn in many different fields.  I was raised in a beautiful mix of culture, the arts, math, and exploration.  I was always encouraged to do my best and not give up nor wait till the last minute.  Both parents infused in me the love of reading and music.  Because of their examples, I love to explore, I relish in reading, and I really feel so much joy in doing a task to the best of my ability.  Thank you, Mom and Dad!!!

I have no idea what life holds for me in the coming years, but I do know that I am well-prepared for whatever adventures I choose to take on.  Now, all I have to do is DO IT!!  I'm super excited to see what I'll be doing a year from now, but for this moment, I am so content with the life that I'm living.  Bring it on, Life!!!

Birthdays Are Never Over

This year, Baby Brother and I got to celebrate our birthdays together.  That hasn't happened since we both lived at home - - 6 years ago!!  Because we were both crazy-busy on our actual birthdays, we set a date to party hardy on the weekend.  All day Saturday was devoted to pampering each other.  Here's how it went down...

We spent Friday night up at Grandpa's house doing the normal relaxing stuff that can only be done there.  When I'm up there, I feel like I'm being recharged, literally.  It's so stress-free, calm, relaxing, and I can just be me with no one to impress.

Saturday morning we mowed the lawn and cleaned the house, as well as a couple other little chores.  Then, the fun could really be let loose

Phase #1

Mini-golfing at the course we used to go to as little kids with our parents - Mulligan's.  As far as we can remember, other than the driving range, nothing much has changed.  The water is still abnormally blue, the plasti-grass falling apart, and the rocks still hollow.  Each hole had us making up a different strategy, different incentive, and a different prize for the winner.   The loser of any hole had to use their non-dominant hand on the next one.  Although I won quite a few holes, I also botched a few and, in the end, Baby Brother won.


Phase #2
 Someone gave me a giftcard to Olive Garden (my favorite restauraunt).  Because we'd had a late breakfast with Gma and Gpa, we had almost no room for lunch and therefore got to take most of it home.  The only complaining about that....we had to be rolled out to the car.

While we waited, Baby Brother suggested we take some "situation pictures". He got to call out the situations. These two are the best of a weird collection of pictures. -- Utter shock and surprise/Spouse-catching smolder

  

Phase #3

As a family, we always take time to watch/go see a movie together so that's what Baby Brother and I decided we wanted to do for our birthday party.  He got to pick the movie and chose "Now You See Me".  I haven't kept up with new movies so I had no idea what it was about. We both LOVED it!!  The whole day we just raved about it.  Every few seconds, one of us would turn to the other and say "Whoa!  That was awesome."  It reminded me a lot of a mixture between "National Treasure" and "The Illusionist".  I'm definitely going to go see it again.


Phase #4
Our next stop was ice cream; always a classic birthday treat.  Luckily, I had a coupon for two free ice creams.  Happy Birthday from Golden Spoon!  No complaints there either.  Each bowl was filled with our favorite flavor then topped with ultimate treats.  I got Salted Caramel and Black Cherry topped with peanut butter cups, peanuts, and passionfruit jojobas (juice-filled bubbles).  Baby Brother got Mango and Vanilla topped with brownies and tropical fruit jojobas.  The sun was beating down so hard on us that we quickly saved our frozen treat from a fate worse than death.  In return, our delightful dessert gave our brains an instantaneous and abrupt cool-down...accompanied by a headache.  Even that could not deter us from finishing the day with a good laugh and remembering past birthdays.

Phase #5

Baby Brother has never seen the Draper Temple up close and since we were already in Draper, we decided to take a drive on over and check it out.  I have been inside it during the Open House a couple years ago, but not since it was dedicated.  It's in a beautiful location, up on the edge of the mountain overlooking the valley.  As we drove around it, I couldn't help but be grateful for the Priesthood and the ordinances of the Temple.  I can't imagine living without the knowledge that families will never end, or that God continues to speak with us today and expects our best so we can return to him.  I'm grateful that my parents chose to raise us in such a way that with pride we can say that we will be together forever.  

Final Phase
After the temple, we took a side road up to explore and saw these GINORMOUS homes.  Our jaws were dragging on the road behind the car, as we drove around.  I can't believe anyone would want to live in such a palace let alone pay for one.  No, thank you!

   

So THAT'S where I get it

I've finally discovered where I inherited my curly hair!!!

All those years of my grandpa's "what'd ya do...stick your finger in a light-socket?" or "who let the fuzz in".  I can finally place the blame somewhere...on him.  This is a photo of my grandpa Hailes when he was about 3yrs old.  Compare it to the picture taken the day TayTay was born (I was 2).

I'm just too far from where you are, I wanna be...

HOME
3 reasons why I'm glad to be home, and 1 reason to wish I was in Utah...
1) The old memories, pepple, friends, and FAMILY
2) My hair gets extra curly
3) Gas is only $3.17

1...(and only reason) I wish I was in Utah-----HUMIDITY!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Dad!!

Today is the day when my dad came into the world...back when dirt was being formed, and our first ancestors had to walk uphill both ways, in the snow, to go to school!  It's so great to have a dad like mine...the only one of his kind.  (Thank goodness!)  I have learned so many wonderful, and sometimes even repetitive lessons from him.  Sooner or later I will realize that he knows a lot.  He is the hardest-working, always willing to help others, full of sarcasm, genuine, funny, sometimes likes my kind of movies, and leading-by-example person I have ever met.  Now that I'm getting older, I notice the traits my brother and I have inherited from him.  We truly are a mixture of the two best people in the world.  This is one of many birthdays I have spent, and will spend, away from my family, but I always know that my dad is there with a tease or a jab at my favorite singers to make me feel like a little kid again.  He is truly a wonderful person, and I'm so grateful he is my dad.

HE IS MY FAVORITE DAD!!!  (the one on the right, that is)

I'll be home for Christmas...NOT only in my dreams

My first couple weeks home after my mission included so much fun and family that the time seemed to zoom past.  It was great to be back...especially in time for Christmas.

 Going to the Temple after the 18month hiatus

Seeing the Nativity display at the visitor's Center

(this one's from Chile) 

 Finding my dad's twin (the one on the left)

Enjoying the lights 

Driving cross-country to spend Christmas in Utah.  Homemade presents are the best.  For him, a license plate blanket for her, new outfits 

Skyping with Baby Brother as a WHOLE family 

That's what Christmas means

That Christmas we learned exactly what the season is supposed to mean. We now knew how important our family was. We’d learned how much we didn’t need the toys and gifts. That year, our family grew closer than ever before. That is a Christmas that I will never forget. Just as if a photo album had been made, I can recall each and every detail of that momentous year when everything I ever knew, and ever will know about Christmas changed forever.

I was only ten when we moved to the Emerald Isle. The lush hillsides coated with permanent rustling grasses and untouched valleys. The all-seeing Sapphire sphere above, encrusted with fluffy cotton balls, encircled the beauty of this permanently medieval land of gold and fairytales. This new home was filled with moist air, open skies, and a funny sounding English. The language was quite a linebacker to tackle. Take a can of English, a knife-tip of redneck, an ounce of fairytale, a cup of sunshine, two tablespoons munchkins sucking helium, a teaspoon of Guiness beer and a large helping of redhead and you’ve got IRISH…Gaelige to be exact. Okay, so not quite, but that’s what it felt like to my untrained ears. It was all foreign and unknown to me.

The days past and the months rolled over to one another just like any other year. Before starting the rotation all over again, the year put itself on pause for December to enact its entire program. Europeans know how to do Christmas right! There’s more of a sense of family and calm in the holidays. Each piece of the season has a deep-rooted or even ancient meaning. December 23rd should have been just like any other Sunday. We go to church (or as we kids liked to think suffer through sitting still in uncomfortably annoying chairs watching old women sniffle and old men snooze) come home, eat lunch, light the advent candle, and play games.

That morning, I overheard mom and dad talking in their bedroom. This, eavesdropping game was one we enjoyed playing, especially around Christmas. Who knew if we’d hear a present mentioned, or discover the location of a hidden surprise? We were blind treasure-hunting pirates following an unseen map; the directions deciphered from between the floorboards on a rickety ship on a stormy sea. This clue, however, made absolutely no sense – something about gray, an eye, and a doctor. That’s all I got! Downtrodden and deflated, I returned to my room with no new information. After school, instead of heading home, we drove to Dublin; a place that sounded dubious only because its name started with those letters. Odd change of direction, but I just assumed it was part of the suspense that lead to the ultimate surprise. Maybe a gray puppy, I’d always had my eye on of those.

Christmas Eve found us entering a white building that rivaled the Tower of Babel in height and the language spoken therein could’ve had even the Brother of Jared asking for a translation. The doctors and nurses stared at scribbles and scratches on clipboards. My then 6-year-old brother drew better than they did, but I didn’t dare point that out, we were walking down endless hallway after another until finally we reached THE door. Once inside, my brother and I were given coloring books and reading books, and told to sit quietly in the corner. That recluse by the radiator was welcome when compared to the nurse’s face that stood sentry duty in the corner while mom and dad sat interrogation-ready across the table from the doctor. All their words made no sense until the headline of my daily news report slipped from the lips of the doctor, “surgery in the morning…not leaving tonight…stay at least a week”. The room began swirling in the lake now forming, but trapped by an invisible force in front of my pupils. The doctor’s meaning finally constructed the Lego tower in my mind. Dad was not coming home with us tonight, nor would he be home tomorrow. CHRISTMAS WAS CANCELLED!!

Over the previous week, dad discovered his vision morphing into prime seats at a gray wall paint-drying festival. The doctors decided that a detached Retina took precedence over our family. How dare they!

The whole hour long drive home my brother slept, but I gathered the salty precipitation on the shoulder of my favorite handmade dress with the ruffles and bows, now limp with dampness, trying not to let mom know I was still awake. I didn’t understand; Christmas meant receiving things, not giving them…especially not giving your dad to Dublin. They didn’t need him, I DID!

Early Christmas morning, the presents lay untouched, the tree unlit, the house frozen as though the movie was paused while the watcher went to the bathroom. We’d slept in our clothes that night, having been too upset and tired for mom to get us to sleep in our own rooms. Why was dad not coming home for Christmas? As soon as we arrived at the hospital, I had a dialog of what I was going to chew the doctors out about, but it all seemed useless when I saw my dad lying there motionless with bandages all over his head. At that point, all I could do was cry. The brave oldest child façade was as temporary as the gauze turban my dad wore. I had transformed into a scared 3 year old. I didn’t understand nor comprehend anything that was going on around me. He wasn’t coming home and I sensed he was in pain.

The next week slimed across the sidewalk like a slug on anesthesia infused antihistamine. The tree, presents, stockings, cards, and joy of Christmas was still “to be continued…” as we brought dad home. He could do nothing but lie on the couch face-down and grow scraggly facial-hair. Everyday flowed as the day before; a permanent Groundhog Day. We spent every night reading stories, listening to movies, and describing every detail of our art homework to him as he lay patiently and painfully in the same position. From that day on, we understood the true meaning of Christmas. I knew, in my limited professional and business experience, that this Christmas was my favorite of all time because the holiday had nothing to do with the gift-wrap, store windows, overplayed songs, expensive debt inducing items, or checked-off wish lists. It was all about our family, the memories, and the meaning behind the day. I learned what Christmas really needs to be about.

Surprise!!

Okay, it's time to let this ginormous cat out of the bag and allow the truth to be known beyond the confines of my family and 3 current roommates..........  

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I'm going on a mission!!!

        Welcome to the elite club of those who know I'm going to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!!  (The 4 people max. who will actually read what I blabber occasionally).  My papers are officially turned in and I'm just waiting for that big, white envelope to peek out of our excessively over-stuffed mailbox.  Yes, and that is why I've been getting pinched, poked, and prodded by medical people with long, scary, poison-filled needles and why I traded in my Amish Buggy-license for a UT drivers-license.  I've only just begun telling people and only if it comes up.  I don't go around advertising it (it's just not my style)...not until now that is.    
        I didn't want people to know of my decision until I was perfectly sure this is what I wanted to do.  I wanted to be able to convince people that this is what is right for me and I didn't want people to talk me out of it or ask me questions that I myself couldn't even answer yet.  Also, I didn't want to take any thunder away from my brother who's known all his life that he's wanted to serve a mission and has begun the process himself.  This was his time to shine...now he'll have to share the limelight.  

        A mission is not one of those things that I've thought about/planned for/dreamed about my entire life; I just felt about it.  Last month I decided that I should at least think about a mission.  Then, as I did so, things started falling into place almost effortlessly.  Finances smoothed themselves out, and my thoughts were constantly on service and the gospel.  Then came the real test - asking if it was right.  That's when I KNEW this is what I was ready to do and WANTED to do.  And so the process began and was completed without a hitch.
        Growing up, my mom always said that Sister Missionaries are the greatest women in the church.  I never counted myself among their ranks.  I saw their strength and my weakness; their dedication and my fear; their testimony and my profound Ensign quotes.  Even today I don't see how I can be one of the "greatest".  All I know is that I'm me and Heavenly Father will fill in my weaknesses with someone else's strengths.  I'll have the skills necessary when they are needed.  I'll have the words when my mind runs a blank.

        I'm going to teach the world the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'll testify of its truthfulness. My preparation, or lack thereof, can either make or break the Spirit in the lessons. It is my responsibility to be the instrument of the Lord, to convey the words and principles He wants His children to know to them. It is such a daunting task, but then I say a prayer in my heart that I can teach how and what He wants me to, and the opening prayer asks for a blessing upon me and I know that even though they don't know me, they're going to have their heart open and be listening and that both of our prayers will be answered and I will have help.  I love teaching and I know that I have been blessed with the ability to communicate and be a good teacher, and especially as I make good choices in my life. But that doesn't mean that I don't need the practice of teaching God's message to His children. And it most certainly does mean that I need to use those talents and live up to that completely daunting and overwhelming potential and responsibility I have, because EVERY SINGLE ONE of our Heavenly Father's children needs the gospel. They need to hear it and feel of His love for them.
        I am so excited and so scared to death (but mostly excited) and I can't wait. And although I feel like I am the least qualified and eloquent and adequate person to be sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the world, I know that He will be with me, helping me, giving me the power of His Spirit. And I know that He is helping to prepare me now, with the abilities, knowledge, confidence, and love that I will need to bring His truth to the rest of God's children.