When You Wish Upon a Star...

David O. McKay said, "'How may I know when I am in love?' That is a very important question...in the presence of the girl you truly love you do not feel to grovel; in her presence you do not attempt to take advantage of her; in her presence you feel that you would like to be everything that a great man should become, for she will inspire you to that idea.  And I ask you young women to cherish that same guide.  What does he inspire in you?"

I have to try out things!  I can't close off my heart to the possibility of love.  Honestly, I'm afraid of it.  I don't know what it feels like and I'm scared.  I've always dreamed I'll feel bubbles in my heart and fireworks in my stomach but, I'm realizing now that I might just have a peaceful feeling and then I'll know.  Love will take effort and I will have to open up.  John D. Claybaugh said, "Some people expect the Lord to provide a dramatic revelation about their eternal mate, but what usually happens is that we drop our defenses and communicate with a potential spouse, we experience subtle, ongoing spiritual promptings about the relationship.  Inspiration can come only when we are honest with ourselves, our potential mates, and the Lord." ("Dating: A Time to Become Best Friends," Ensign, April 1994)

I recently read a wonderful book about the Mormon dating scene called Base Hits and Home Run Relationships.  Every chapter discussed things that single Mormon girls wish guys knew, relating it to a baseball game (gets me every time), and I started thinking about and listing what I wish and hope the man I will marry knows about dating (and life).

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1.  Don't stop living the Priesthood, even for a moment
I want to look to you for priesthood leadership. You won’t have time to quickly repent and suddenly make yourself worthy when someone in our family needs a blessing. Be ready ALL of the time! Every time you go home-teaching, bless/pass the sacrament, help someone move, give a blessing, perform ordinances, or complete any other quorum assignment, you are showing the Lord that He can count on you. A good woman wants to know that she can count on you, too. I'm betting my future, and even my eternity, on you.

2.  Be a gentleman

Be courteous to cashiers, servers, janitors, EVERYONE.  Your wife is watching and looking to see what kind of father you will be, based on how you treat children.  I'm looking to see what kind of leader you will be, based on how you treat those lesser than you.  I'm looking to see what kind of man you are, based on how you treat everyone - family or not.  The priesthood is a gift that teaches men how to be gentleman by helping them see how to look outside themselves.  Are you selfish or selfless in the way you interact with anyone you encounter or do you make excuses as to why you didn't help?  Do you perform acts of kindness for the people in your family now?  I am a big dreamer whose views on love have been shaped by the pages and reels I've been exposed to (the good old-fashioned stuff) - - I don't have the experience with it, but I know what I expect in a gentleman.    

3.  Stay focused on our goal

We're going to have hard days - bad days, long days, sad days, boring days, and even impossible days.  Please don't give up on our goal of eternity...don't give up on me.  Help us make changes within our relationship to make it even better.  Help us keep going!  If things get hard, I won't give up; I don't know how to.  But, I will always drop anything to run and help, sometimes neglecting other things.  Let me help you.  Let me know what your dreams are.  Together, let's set essential goals and make them happen. 

4.  Be there

Be there.  Be consistent.  I've taken one too many of those "what style of Love are you" quizzes to know that I see and feel love through quality time.  I want to feel that you are there for me no matter what.  Help me to know that you love me -- tell me, and make me say it back.  Show that you care through everything you do.  Help me know that together we can raise our family to be kind, courteous, and wise.  Make time for us.  Make time for that moment when plans change and we can't do what we wanted to do.  Make time for our family.  Make me push aside my stubborn independence to allow you to help.  Make me remember that I am enough for you.  I'm used to being on my own and handling things by myself.  I grew up being completely satisfied with quiet and playing on my own.  I learned so many different skills and abilities so that I can take care of just about any need I have -- fixing/diagnosing cars, basic home repairs, first aid, finances, etc.  I know that I need others, but I don't want to inconvenience anyone by asking for help.  I don't want to add burden to your hard day at the office by making you take the trash out.  Help me see that you are there.  Help me let go of projects so we can work together on our heavenly home.  Don't let me forget to kiss you goodbye as you leave for work, or to talk to you right as you come home.  It doesn't matter so much what exactly you say or do, but it's the thought behind those words or actions that will determine whether or not we've "struck out in the game of love."    

5. Keep things in order and in place

Put Heavenly Father first, ALWAYS!!  Please see how the rest of your life should fit together and live by that order.  Don't postpone friendships for money.  Don't push off essentials in favor or want-to-haves.  Don't forget our relationship because you don't have the time for fun.  Don't let our family go to bed without kneeling together in prayer.  When you're at work, be at work and do your best there so you can come home feeling like you've done your best...and so you can focus on us when you get home.  When you're home, be here with me.   Leave time for fun, even if the lawn doesn't get mowed or the laundry isn't quite folded.  Do you make sure to call your mom every so often?  Do you send your sister a text reminding her to have a good day?  Do you pray for your friend who's struggling?  Do you take a detour to work just so you can drive by the temple and remember the covenants you made there?  Do you make time for those things that are most important to eternity?  

6.  It doesn't have to be extravagant

I don't want fancy.  I don't need bling.  I don't crave over-the-top.  Just spend time with me.  Let's go for a walk down the same road everyday just so we can be together.  Let's sit and laugh through the same movie for the millionth time just because it's our favorite.  Roll your eyes at my sappy music and laugh at my cooing over mushy movies.  Grab my dishwater-wrinkled hand and let's dance around the kitchen until we're dizzy.  Take us on a drive with no destination so we can talk everything out.  I don't need the huge house with the newest gadgets or decorations.  I don't want the best of the best to show off.  I only want what we can build together.  I don't want the big and fancy, I want the real and worthwhile.    

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My tree of love has a lot of bruises and chipped bark.  My branches are mere twigs with sprouts and I don't know how to prune out or graft in, but I know where The Gardener is and how to access the blessings only He can give.  I know that He has given me the experiences that I needed in order for me to become the under-gardener he wants me to be.  I haven't had someone come into my garden and stay long enough to see what my trees have to offer.

Spencer W. Kimball said, "The successful marriage depends in large measure upon the preparation made in approaching it...One cannot pick the ripe, rich, luscious fruit from a tree that was never planted, nurtured, nor pruned".

I don't know what you are doing or where you are right now, but I want you to know that I'm becoming the best that I can be and I only expect the best that you can give.  

Let's Get...Vulnerable

I don't yet know how to let my guard down.  I want to but I just can't.  When someone comes into my life, I am more than ready to do anything for them.  I'll rearrange my schedule and drop tasks, at a moment's notice, in order to help or make time for another person but I always struggle letting someone in to my heart.  I haven't had too many people WANT to be there and I'm hesitant to leave those doors wide open.

Those that have made it into my heart and have seen my tender packets of dreams are those who have shown at all times that they love me.  They love my silly dreams, crazy ideas, and unique goals.  They gently hold the threads that lead to my heartbreaks and have woven them to ribbons that sparkle with understanding and are lined with their support.  They never let go, even if I let the path back go cold.

That's Not Everything

I was at a game night with some (new) friends in my (new) ward and the conversation drifted to dating.  This is NOT my favorite topic, especially in mixed company (he's and she's).  Discussion flowed and swirled around any dating/relationship/flirting topic you can think of when one of the guys piped up....

Before I tell you what he asked, I'll tell you a snippet about this fellow.  He has a medical condition that has severely disabled many of his everyday functions.  His body is basically skin and bones, but his mind is just as sharp as anyone.

....He wouldn't look any of the girls in the eyes, but stared at the ground and asked...."Do you think my condition is the reason no girls like me?"

Everyone sat in silence, not knowing what to say or how to answer.  I thought for a second and replied: "___, your condition is only one part of who you are.  Any girl worth your time will see all the other things that define you and those are what she can decide from.  Yes, our physical appearance is the first thing any potential partner sees, but they have to look inside to find a match."

Once I said that, others chimed in and the discussion moved on to other exciting things.

When I got home that night, and many nights since, I have had to sit my heart down and remind myself of that very thing -- this thing/weakness/quirk/flaw is only one part of who I am.  I am worth looking into; I am worth being loved.  I am like an antique book -- only those who really know the worth of the story inside will place me among his other treasures.  That man is the only one I want.  He is the one to whom I will open the pages of my deepest heart.

Cannot be Separated

"Remember Mormon’s promise: that such love—the love we each yearn for and cling to—is 'bestowed' upon 'true followers of Christ.' You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Or, to phrase that more positively, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way 'never faileth'." -- Jeffrey R. Holland

Hairy Fortunes

This is a post dedicated to the crazy that is ANNE'S HAIR!!! While deciding what to blog about, a friend of mine came in, sat down, stared at me and said "Can I shave your head now?!?!". She went on (for what seemed like forever) complimenting me on my hair. For anyone who knows me you know I do not do well with compliments; I get embarrassed and anxious. So, in order to get the good, bad, and the ugly of my hair-self out there, here's a hair post.

I'm digging in the archives for some never-before seen photos too.

(1989) Blonde peach fuzz

(1989) Birthday suit hair

(1991) We've got ourselves a blondie!!

(1991) Natural Shirley Temple blonde

(1992) blonde ringlets

(1993) Wild little blonde thing

(1995) Kindergarten.  Hair down to my waist.

Going brunette.  Soon after this picture, my

mom took me to the hair salon and had my hair

chopped up to my ears.

(1996) Short, brown, poofy, straight, fluffy from
here on out

(1998) Brown, wavy, and fluffy (curls went in
for hibernation in 1996)

(2000-2006) This sums up that time period!!
My hair was introduced to HUMIDITY in 1999, when we
moved to Ireland.

(2006) No shape and no layers = mushroom

(Fall 2007) Natural Arizona sun all summer
caused awesome highlights for the Fall.

(2008) Chopped it

(2009) 1st bangs.  Straightening those everyday
was insane, but I enjoyed the look.  

(2010) Chop + bangs

(2010) 1st and last dye.  The next section of my life was
hating the color as it grew back out to normal.

(2010) Meet the orange hair.  The main reason I hate
looking at my mission pictures.

(2010) In order to combat the orange growing out, I
continuously chopped my hair on my mission.

(2011) Developed the "wet-twist" to deal with craziness.
Makes good hair days last 4 days

(2011) No product, post-wet-twists.
FAVOURITE STYLE!!

(2011) Almost normal color.  This is ombre before it was cool

(2012) Fresh post-mission natural color
and style.

(2013) discovered "glamour waves"

(2013) "Glamour waves" almost an everyday occurrence

(2013) Employee photo

(2013) Curly meets Oakland, CA

(2014) Side ponytails are my go-to from
this point on.
THIS IS A FAKE POLICE PICTURE!!!

My hair is always a topic of comment
from my friends

(2015) Finally mastered a French Braid

(Summer 2015) I haven't had hair this long
since I was 5yrs old.

Fishy Hair

Since I still struggle with French braids, I've decided to move on and try learning something else.

ENTER FISH-TAIL!!

I absolutely LOVE doing a Fish-Tail braid on my hair.  It's a great mix of classy and modern.  I follow a blog called Missy Sue where she does some amazing simple hair tutorials, as well as great fashion, style, and DIY posts.  Recently, she posted a french fish-tail braid.  It's uber uber easy and yet it looks like a french braid.

Style of today I found here  http://www.missysue.com/2014/12/fishtail-braided-updo

I'll post pictures soon of what my version looks like

I'm Not a “Plan B” Kind of Girl

I deserve better than someone who is afraid to commit to me. It may seem like enough for now. I'm just taking things slow. Oh, how I know those little phrases of “one day” and“we just need time."  I believe them. I’ve ALWAYS believed them.

But I'm NOT a plan B kind of girl.

I need to know that I'm not the invisible one standing in the back who gets chosen last.  I'm the girl who the team captain will be frantically hoping doesn’t get picked by someone else before he gets a turn. I'm a first-pick kind of girl. And no one worth having sits back and lets those girls wait around.  ‘Cause every good man knows that the good ones get gone fast.  

He should be jumping out of his skin in anticipation to call out my name and say “I pick you.”

“But he’s scared” “…and I’ve got commitment issues” “…and we don’t like labels.”

And. And. And.

Like a fool, I’ve stood there picking at the fabric of my sweater and spinning excuses. I’ve heard them all. I’ve used them all. “He’s been hurt.” “He’s busy.” “He’s in school.” “He doesn’t have a good car.” “He has Momma issues.” “His Dad left.” “His Great Aunt’s second cousin’s puppy just died.”

I'm not the kind of girl who needs to make excuses for him.  Good girls don’t have to finish last.

I must be at the wrong game and with the wrong players. Because I'm not a substitute, average, or second string.  I'm a catch. I am beautiful and funny and fabulous. Rooms light up when I walk in. Heads turn when I giggle and the earth itself adores the kiss of my feet.  I am worthy to be chosen, pursued, adored, loved, respected and informed. This whole “Do we really have to define this thing?” is almost always a delicate way of asking “Will you fill this lonely spot until I decide nothing better is coming along?”  

Stop being afraid that I am not worthy enough to be claimed. Stop thinking “I’ll take what I can get. Maybe I will be enough for him one day. Maybe he will be enough for me.”  Don’t even consider the lie that says; “I can’t set my standards too high, because if I do, I might end up alone.”  Better to be alone than taken for granted. Better to be alone than to be a placeholder.

The one that loves you isn’t afraid to say it. If he loves you, he won’t even blink because the idea of giving another man the chance to swoop in is just unacceptable.He’ll fight and use labels or poems or the Goodyear blimp to show you that you’re just the right fit for that open place in his heart. That no other piece will do.  

You should be nobody’s second choice. And if you are, then they are just that; NOBODY.

He’ll lose his pride to tell me that I make him nervous and he’ll spend his heart to find what makes me laugh. He’ll tell me that I'm worth words and flowers and promises.  And I'll believe him, because I'll see it in the way he watches me across a room. I won’t have to question it by analyzing a text message or deciphering the tone of an e-mail. Because he’ll drive over just because and I'll see it in his face and hear it in the way he asks about my day.  My answer will lie in the memories of nervous beginnings and awkward introductions. I'll know because the questions didn't take long to fade. Because he said what he meant and meant what he said. And even when he messed up; he made up.

I'm not his back pocket plan, fill-in girl, or multiple choice answer. I am fierce and a force to be reckoned with and the kind of girl whose beauty calls for hand-written notes, words like “wow” and car rides to the ocean. Take nothing else and be nothing less.

Note to self:  Be the kind of girl who deserves him and treats him with kindness. Who laughs at his jokes and thanks him when he opens your door. Leave the head games behind you. Encourage him and wear the kinds of dresses that make him respect you. Be the kind of girl who gasps at his surprises and hugs him for his compliments. Be worthy of the kind of man that you deserve and & the man that he was born to be.
Stop waiting for the guy who isn't sure you’re enough and respect yourself enough to wait for the one that knows you are.

Nailed it -- Fun

Since I got home from my mission, I've had this weird fascination with "fun-painting" my nails.  I love to decorate for the holidays, but nails are my newest canvas-obsession.  I'm not a big fan of painting the ring finger differently, but I do like making my thumb different.  I like having the four fingers match, and then BOOM...a cute little thumb design.  Here's my escapades as of yet:

Valentine's Day kiss

Hearts and Kisses

St. Patrick's Day buckle

St. Patrick's Day gold coins

Be Hairy

I love to discovering/creating new ways to do hair.

Celsea concert hair (side)

Celsea concert hair (back)

How to Move Forward

The worst part about the past is dwelling on it. And the worst about dwelling on it is, it seems to jinx us and reoccur in our future, even though we’re trying really hard to avoid it.  As though to teach us a different lesson, or even reemphasize what we should've learned the first time, the ugly head of the past shows up and knocks us back down.

I've made the mistake of giving too much in my relationships - with friends, guys, family, even myself.  Sacrificing me, in order to promote them.  I put everything I am on the table for them to peruse, only to find that the most delicate and important parts are brushed aside or overlooked.  I do everything I can to make sure the other person is taken care of and happy.  Their needs always come first, no matter what I must give up.  In so doing, I forget my own needs.  I’m guilty of overcompensating, as a way to encourage others to stick around. I guess it comes down to my belief that if I am alone forever, it is because I didn't do enough.  I was never the first picked on the playground, never the first to have a partner in projects, never the one asked to dance, never the one excitedly chosen for games, and never the girl any guy would even consider.  I was just the shoulder to cry on, the one on the side who observes, gives advice, listens for countless hours, helps get ready, but the one that silently aches for someone to find me.

But the most destroying thing I did to myself was stay around a bunch of damaging people, and convince myself that doing so was the key to being accepted, the key to happiness, the key to success for my heart.  While I was doing everything for them, I let them control every aspect of the relationship, just so they’d stick around. In order for the other person to shine, I'd muffle my talents.  I'd give up my own time, to make them smile.  It’s a damaging cycle to fall in...and I do it every time.

I didn't have anyone close enough to me to sit down with me, lovingly show me my true worth, and work with me so I'd want to shine - want to be noticed.  I never had anyone help me figure out what was really going on, and help me work towards what was better - more worthwhile, and overall, what I desperately needed.  I thought I was doing it right, thought I was making it so people would see me as worth being noticed.  Except, I wasn't the only friend in the equation, not the only girl on the bargaining table.  This led to my feeling that I was not good enough for anyone, which then leads to another path of overcompensation to prove I AM worthwhile.

Despite the unbalanced nature of my childhood (because I felt I was doing the best I could at being a friend) it wasn't until very recently that can I see my relationships through untainted lenses. When I came to college, leaving everyone and everything I ever knew, I was blessed with true friends - best friends.  My trust and love grew, and I learned how important it is to be honest with myself, and allow people to love me and be my foundation.  I began to open the doors of my deepest feelings, unlocking the painful past, and even encouraging those closest to me to come in and pick up the broken pieces.

Now, those friends approach me and state the facts of my failing relationships, but for some reason I just cannot get on that same page.  I just cannot allow myself to feel special.  That is the part of the story that I just can't let go of.

To me, I'm still the second best, still the one left out, still the one they'll never choose, still the one who doesn't quite fit the bill.  The worst thing I've done to myself, is compare myself to others. In every friendship, I've compared myself to someone they have spent more time with, dated, commented on, or admired.  It's emotionally consuming and draining, but it's human nature, isn't it? So how can I fight that? In a perfect world, I would recognize my true worth and exude confidence. I would see myself as great, and know that anyone who doesn't think so, is not worth my time.  In this world, in my reality, that hasn't happened yet. There are good days when I feel awesome, but I’m not 100% awesome all the time. Feeling and accepting that I'm the duckling that doesn't match is a confidence-sucking state.  It didn't take me one day to get to this point of self-doubt, so it'll take time to build myself up.  Most days, I climb up, but then just one thought, one word of discouragement, one glance over the shoulder, and I slip further down than where I started.

I have to believe everything happens for a reason, and that what happens in life affects who you will be.  I also believe that who you allow to influence your heart, also provides the greatest indicator of how you continue to grow.  So, I sometimes have to reflect on the bad, and realize that it has made me a better person for having survived. And then, I think how thankful I am that my life has gone the way it has, and where I am today. I couldn't imagine myself surrounded by anyone else.

Love Yourself

Most of us can admit to loving things about ourselves, but do we love our selves? The parts that make us, us? “A woman’s happiness is in throwing everything away to live for love,” says Ai Yazawa. But this living for love does not mean throwing away our dreams and desires. No, it means fully entering oneself, while ridding of any pre-conceived notions about beauty and value and worth. It means embracing our crooked noses, snorting laughter, the stretch marks, saggy boobs, tea-bag eyes and warty feet. It means accepting our humanness, but more than that. It means approaching ourselves like author Anne Lamott does: with kindness and laughter. “Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life,” she writes. “It has given me me. It has provided time and experience and failures and triumphs and time-tested friends who have helped me step into the shape that was waiting for me. I fit into me now.”We each have a shape. It may not be perfect, but it’s ours. A unique space in history to fill.

My Lips Only Better

I've discovered tutorials!

Not Pinterest or YouTube; more personal - BLOGS.  I get excited as my feed gets peppered with step-by-steps or video stills.  That's when I know I've got something to do tonight if no one wants to play with me.

One of my favorites posted about "Your lips but better" lipstick.  I was intrigued and dared myself to try it out.  Following her post, this is my version...

Lipstick was scary and I never touched the stuff.  As long as I can remember I've only ever grabbed for chapstick, (cherry-scented, of course) and for special occasions I'd break out the sparkly stuff, which was just a clear glossy.  Lipstick was for old ladies and fashion models, and don't even ask me to wear lip-liner.  My mom wears lipstick; not me!

Now, I've seen the light!

Recently, I've put my toes in the water and experimented with colors. Even my nails and eyes begin to be dotted with small dabs of colors that I've been brave enough to try out.  Give me a blue or a pink shadow and I'll blend it all over my eyes, but hand me red lipstick and you'll find me in the next town in no time.

"Anything from a bright pink to a bold, rich red can totally change your "look" and may, in fact, be the boldest accessory".  I, myself, only use one lipstick for now.

"Other than the fun colorful shades, it's good to have a 'your lips but better' shade as well. Basically look at it as the color of your lips, but slightly bolder/more pigmented. Get it? Your lips but better? Finding this shade may require a roommate with fashion tastes/friend who's a little more daring than you/an employee at a makeup counter--but there is NO reason why you can't figure out the shade, apply it to your lips, walk out of the department store, kiss the back of your hand, and then swatch some different brands that are in your price point."

This is my story--

When it comes to makeup, I always am a "my face only better" kind of girl.  In December, some switch flicked on and I've been going for more daring looks ever since.  Last week, I walked in the Bare Minerals store to restock my basics and noticed the lipsticks.

Side-note: Whenever I go shopping, I tend to avoid all eye-contact with store employees because I don't want anyone to help me.  I'm fully capable of wandering around the store to find whatever it is I'm looking for (or not looking for)  No, I don't need you to hover while I browse the merchandise.  Don't be my shadow or I'll leave your store  

Anyways, this time I decided asking for a professional opinion might be more helpful than just doing it on my own , since I'll just go for the plainest possible.  I mean, this is a nice store of people who are trained to do makeup, not the random high-schooler pulled off the skate-park.  So when she came up to me, I gladly said "I'm looking for a lipstick".  Between the two of us, we found 3 different colors; I picked nude (naturally) and she picked a pink and a purple.  "Whoa" I said, "I don't know if I'm brave enough for those."  Still, she won out and I sat down in the makeup chair to test out the foreign objects.

In the end, I was so pleasantly surprised at the results.  I still turned down the purple one, but I was intrigued by the pink.  It was definitely a "my lips only better" lipstick.  My eyes popped more, my smile looked more dazzling, and I felt more confident (not to brag, in any way).  I was so happy with the results. 

Reader's challenge: Find your "only better" color
Me challenge: Discover cinnamon/hot/fire-engine red

12 Tips & Tricks To make clothes look luxurious

1. Sometimes inexpensive clothes lack the weight that a better fabric can provide, or simply lack a lining. You can’t change the fabric itself, but adding an underpinning to create a lining is an easy fix.

2. Mix inexpensive items with pricier ones, so the overall effect is balanced. The expensive ones will elevate the whole look.

3. Keep your color spectrum narrow. If you wear every color in the rainbow, nothing will look chic, it’ll just look like a mess.

4. When buying something inexpensive, make sure it looks rich. Are seams finished? Does hardware feel heavy? Are colors deep and saturated? Just because it’s cheap doesn’t mean it has to look it.

5. It’s hard to do heavy embellishment in an inexpensive way, so watch out. This may not be the item you want to scrimp on.

6. If you find something inexpensive and you’re not sure it looks right, chances are it’ll look best in black.

7. Those iconic styles “think big logos” are not the things to buy cheap.

8. It’s hard to make certain synthetics look great, the edges don’t finish well, the seams look too thick. It’s easier to fake a rich look in cotton, linen and silk.

9. Too tight, too big, too short. The too’s will always cheapen your look.

10. T-shirts, white button-downs, khakis, jeans are all things that are not worth spending on.

11. Buy inexpensive faux skin accessories, you get the look for a fraction of the cost. Small touches are best (belt, clutch), and natural colors are best.

12. As long as it’s a color combination that flatters your skin tone and in a cut that works on your body, it’s anyone’s guess as to how much you actually spent.

Always Believe in Yourself

A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on her own wings.