Cannot be Separated

"Remember Mormon’s promise: that such love—the love we each yearn for and cling to—is 'bestowed' upon 'true followers of Christ.' You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Or, to phrase that more positively, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way 'never faileth'." -- Jeffrey R. Holland

Becoming Sabrina

I grew up on Classic movies - Doris Day, Shirley Temple, Cary Grant, Debbie Reynolds, and Rock Hudson. I have been thoroughly polluted by the beauty and simplicity of old movies...and I LOVE IT!!!  One iconic movie I was particularly inspired by is "Sabrina" starring Audrey Hepburn. I love her love of cars, her simple fashion, her transformation, her honesty, and her love of travel.  

The French cooking school scene gets me the most excited. I have always loved cooking, especially watching my mom work magic, so I have always wanted to go to a professional cooking school. So that you understand my perspective, take a look at this home movie from inside my dreams (or from the movie "Sabrina").

  

I was able to fulfill that dream!!  For Christmas, my parents gave me a few lessons as the Salt Lake Culinary Center.  I took various classes, including Homemade Pasta, Superfoods, Souffles, and Knife Basics.

Homemade Pasta - included making Caeser salad Ravioli

This is my favourite instructor - Amy

Superfoods -- Salmon, Spinach, Sweet Potatoes, Greek Yogurt
and berry pie.

My absolute favourite class was SOUFFLES!!!!  Here is another recording from my dreams:

Now for the reality of what I was taught in the "Successful Souffles" class.  This class created my favourite foods of all the classes I attended.  I have recreated a souffle once since then, and it was just as I remembered.

"Collar" is an essential to a souffle...and it
makes you look fancy

Ramekins -- use for individual souffles

Chocolate with Berry drizzle

Pre-baking - - Sweet Potatoe
(MY FAVOURITE)

Egg and Spinach (this one looked the fanciest of what we made

Peeking between the collar

I haven't taken any other classes in awhile, but I have definitely made the foods I learned.  I have made the Greek Yogurt with Berries and Ganache pie a couple times, I make salmon all the time now, and I made a Sweet Potato souffle for my dad's birthday this year (and it got rave reviews).  I'm definitely glad I did it and, who knows, I may take other classes sometime soon.

St. Memorial George Day

Memorial Day weekend marked my first time ever going to Zion's National Park in St. George.  My friend Terrance had never been either so we planned a day and went for it.

Since we wanted to get an early start in Zion's, Terrance and I decided to go down and spend the night with my aunt and uncle.  Jan and Frank took us on a lesser-known Petroglyph hike that night.  The area near their condo has a lot of little hikes and sites BYU has used for geological digs.  There is a lot of stuff just waiting to be found.  We started off walking up the standard tourist walking trail.  Then, Frank took us off-roading down among the rocks and cliffs into the hidden stuff you have to be an adventurous local to know about.  We saw some AWESOME history down there!!  Each Petroglyph we found prompted theories and questions about what the people were doing and thinking as they scratched the surface and marked the rocks.  Pretty neat stuff!  I'd never seen Petroglyphs in person (Disney's Pocahontas being my only source) so I was fascinated.

The next morning, Terrance and I got to the BIG GUNS --- Zion's National Park.  We decided on various hikes and just took off.  The park is closed to traffic so you have to take park-provided shuttle into the park, then pass through the entry gate, and THEN take another shuttle to the individual hikes and formations.  Lots of work, but well worth the waiting.  AND...it was nice to sit down and be out of the sun in parts.  I was surprised at how un-busy the park was on a National Holiday, but I wasn't complaining.  Of course the busiest hike in the park was Angels Landing (but you DEFINITELY will not catch me doing that one).  Other people on the shuttle who came from that hike said they could only take a step or two before having to stop because the path was so crowded.

It was really nice to wander and hike at our own pace, and just enjoy and take pictures any place we wanted.  The first hike we did was called the "Emerald Pools".  It's one waterfall broken up into three separate sections.  You walk under the first waterfall, on top of the second, then to the third..

1st section

1st section

At the second section, there's a little pool about ankle-deep at its deepest point and then flows out and over the rocks to form the first section (the one you walk under).  On this one, I lost my balance trying to walk over the pool on a log, and got one ankle full to last all the hot day.

between 1st and 2nd section of the waterfall.

2nd section -- here is where it flows over the rocks to
create the 1st section

2nd section -- this is right where I decided to dunk one foot

I think the last section of the hike and waterfalls is my favorite.  On this one, you actually hike down into it.  The rock walls open up to, what feels like, a little oasis.  There's a little beach on one side beside a lake, and on the other area there are huge rocks to climb on, and that's where there's a knee-high bundle of rocks with water flowing over them back down the mountain to the first two waterfalls.  My favorite spot of the day!!

That tree was determined to grow

From the shuttle

One of the other hikes we did was Temple of Sinahwava.  This was the easiest "hike" I've seen.  It was a paved walking road the whole way to a gathering spot.  You can get water gear and keep going through the river to the actual Temple of Sinahwava, but we didn't plan to do that.  The walk was nice and cool, but still really pretty. 

From the shuttle

Overall, the trip was AMAZING!!  I want to go back again soon -- maybe next summer!

Time to Catch Up

Little One sternly reminded me that I needed to do some blog updates.  Here's a run-down of the past 12 months.  (I'll try to do a post on each of these...at some point)

May 2014 -- Baby Brother married

June 2014 -- Summer yard and garden fun

July 2014 -- Got to visit all the East Coast Lind families

August 2014 -- Spent lots of time with new family

September-- Got to be a Wedding photographer

October 2014 -- Sports and time with Keri

November 2014 -- BYU Football

December 2014 -- Gettysburg Christmas

January 2015 -- Experimented with fancy foods

February 2015 -- Professional Cooking Classes

March 2015 -- Made LOADS of new friends

April 2015-- Grad-a-ma-nation

May 2015 -- Adventures in Zion's National Park

June 2015 -- Wedding Season

June 2015 -- Craft Central Station 

Crackin' dem Crackers

For as long as I can remember, I've had a little love of Nutcrackers.  I think it all stems to growing up in Germany - the land of the Nutcrackers.

On one of my parents' visits to Utah, my mom and I wandered around some quilt and fabric stores.  Since it was near the holidays, a lot of the quilts hanging around were of snowmen, bells, trees, and santas.  In the far back of a little shop, I saw the most adorable Nutcracker quilt.  I oooed and awwed over it for awhile until my mom joined me and said "we can make that, if you want.  We can create that pattern.  Look at the faces and get an idea of how they're put together."  Those instructions from my mom are some that I'm so used to hearing.  My mom can make anything, just by looking at it.  I truly mean ANYTHING - food, clothes, crafts, ANYTHING.  My task always was, to learn that skill by analyzing to see how I can recreate them.  I took pictures and critiqued the stitches on the Nutcracker eyes, but the idea of making my own quilt from start to finish just plain intimidated me.  

I kept the Nutcrackers in the forefront of the back of my mind, with no sight of starting it any time soon.  My mom wouldn't be in town much longer, and I knew that I would NOT be starting such a project without a mentor - that's disaster waiting to happen.  

Then, came the day before I'd get to go home for Christmas.  My mom called to say that my aunt had the Nutcracker pattern I'd been oogling months before.  I got excited!  As soon as I got home, I was ready to get going.  Overall, it took me 3 days to start and finish my first real wall-hanging quilt.  

Mom took me to this little fabric store in Chambersburg.  We spent a good couple hours browsing.  I knew I wanted a non-Christmas colored quilt so that broadened my options.  One of the first bolts I pulled was this fantastic paisley print in what I call "India colors".  (Sidenote - I've also been almost obsessed with India for most of my childhood).  That was the springboard of inspiration, followed by a really fun "hair printed" fabric for, what else, the hair.  Mom has hundreds of different scraps and pieces of fabric so we only needed to get the larger pieces or patterns I couldn't live without.  After gathering all the fabrics and making the pattern pieces, I was aching to start.  Here's the stash:

As soon as all the pieces were cut out, I laid them out.  Each Nutcracker HAD to have their own personality.  That was my favorite part!  All the pieces laid out and ready to press.  In my limited quilting experience I've learned that Fusible is the best creation ever.  You just iron it to your fabric, cut it out, and iron it down.  Then all you have to do is sew around it.  The Fusible glues the pieces together, and...makes life so easy.  Here, the noses were just ironed down, and I'm ready to get sewing.  Couldn't decide which was my favorite face.  Can you?

By the time I'd blanket-stitched around all of them, I still didn't have a favorite, but I was tired - - 2am.  If my eyes hadn't been burning...and my mentor-mom hadn't already gone to bed, I'd have been able to keep going.  Oh well, day 2.  My mom has stuff for all craft projects imaginable - hence my creative/thrifty nature - so, of course, she'd have tiny black beads for the eyes.  The original quilt had fabric eyes, but that just wouldn't do for a "Ladies Lind craft project".  

Once I was this far, there isn't much visible progress, so I didn't photograph.  BUT, I will give you the rundown.

After adding the borders and prepping the backing, the tricky task was to quilt the quilt.  While I was on my mission, my mom got a 15ft long-arm quilting machine.  This monstrous piece of sewing equipment came in handy.  I'd never used such a thing before, but my mom told me, then showed me, and finally set me loose.  I stayed up uber late working, because I was having so much fun.  My mom was so impressed that she wants me to quilt her projects from now on.

The quilting on the quilt

My favorite block

Finished project

How to Move Forward

The worst part about the past is dwelling on it. And the worst about dwelling on it is, it seems to jinx us and reoccur in our future, even though we’re trying really hard to avoid it.  As though to teach us a different lesson, or even reemphasize what we should've learned the first time, the ugly head of the past shows up and knocks us back down.

I've made the mistake of giving too much in my relationships - with friends, guys, family, even myself.  Sacrificing me, in order to promote them.  I put everything I am on the table for them to peruse, only to find that the most delicate and important parts are brushed aside or overlooked.  I do everything I can to make sure the other person is taken care of and happy.  Their needs always come first, no matter what I must give up.  In so doing, I forget my own needs.  I’m guilty of overcompensating, as a way to encourage others to stick around. I guess it comes down to my belief that if I am alone forever, it is because I didn't do enough.  I was never the first picked on the playground, never the first to have a partner in projects, never the one asked to dance, never the one excitedly chosen for games, and never the girl any guy would even consider.  I was just the shoulder to cry on, the one on the side who observes, gives advice, listens for countless hours, helps get ready, but the one that silently aches for someone to find me.

But the most destroying thing I did to myself was stay around a bunch of damaging people, and convince myself that doing so was the key to being accepted, the key to happiness, the key to success for my heart.  While I was doing everything for them, I let them control every aspect of the relationship, just so they’d stick around. In order for the other person to shine, I'd muffle my talents.  I'd give up my own time, to make them smile.  It’s a damaging cycle to fall in...and I do it every time.

I didn't have anyone close enough to me to sit down with me, lovingly show me my true worth, and work with me so I'd want to shine - want to be noticed.  I never had anyone help me figure out what was really going on, and help me work towards what was better - more worthwhile, and overall, what I desperately needed.  I thought I was doing it right, thought I was making it so people would see me as worth being noticed.  Except, I wasn't the only friend in the equation, not the only girl on the bargaining table.  This led to my feeling that I was not good enough for anyone, which then leads to another path of overcompensation to prove I AM worthwhile.

Despite the unbalanced nature of my childhood (because I felt I was doing the best I could at being a friend) it wasn't until very recently that can I see my relationships through untainted lenses. When I came to college, leaving everyone and everything I ever knew, I was blessed with true friends - best friends.  My trust and love grew, and I learned how important it is to be honest with myself, and allow people to love me and be my foundation.  I began to open the doors of my deepest feelings, unlocking the painful past, and even encouraging those closest to me to come in and pick up the broken pieces.

Now, those friends approach me and state the facts of my failing relationships, but for some reason I just cannot get on that same page.  I just cannot allow myself to feel special.  That is the part of the story that I just can't let go of.

To me, I'm still the second best, still the one left out, still the one they'll never choose, still the one who doesn't quite fit the bill.  The worst thing I've done to myself, is compare myself to others. In every friendship, I've compared myself to someone they have spent more time with, dated, commented on, or admired.  It's emotionally consuming and draining, but it's human nature, isn't it? So how can I fight that? In a perfect world, I would recognize my true worth and exude confidence. I would see myself as great, and know that anyone who doesn't think so, is not worth my time.  In this world, in my reality, that hasn't happened yet. There are good days when I feel awesome, but I’m not 100% awesome all the time. Feeling and accepting that I'm the duckling that doesn't match is a confidence-sucking state.  It didn't take me one day to get to this point of self-doubt, so it'll take time to build myself up.  Most days, I climb up, but then just one thought, one word of discouragement, one glance over the shoulder, and I slip further down than where I started.

I have to believe everything happens for a reason, and that what happens in life affects who you will be.  I also believe that who you allow to influence your heart, also provides the greatest indicator of how you continue to grow.  So, I sometimes have to reflect on the bad, and realize that it has made me a better person for having survived. And then, I think how thankful I am that my life has gone the way it has, and where I am today. I couldn't imagine myself surrounded by anyone else.

My Bucket List - Let me elaborate #5

Win a ribbon in the state fair

"Our state fair is a great state fair, it's the best state fair in our state"

It's no secret that I love musicals, but one in particular is the basis for this Bucket List item.  Rodger's & Hammerstein's State Fair is not necessarily the most catchy, the funniest, or the most dreamy musical, but it is the most American - as American as apple pie.  State Fair tells the story of the Frake family who all have different experiences at the fair - Mom enters food competitions, dad has a prize winning boar, the son tries to outsmart a booth owner yet falls for a singer, and the daughter just tries to figure out love.  I've always wanted to win a prize but, somehow, that opportunity has always run away from me.  I love doing crafty things and sometimes enjoy having others recognize my talents, but sometimes I have this little flicker in my ear that tells me I want to win something at a fair.  Maybe someday I'll get up the courage to enter a fair, but till then, I'll stick with "...it's a grand night for singing." 

My Bucket List - Let me elaborate #4

Travel to India, ..., ..., ...

fascinating since childhood, intriguing now, adoring forever

In my young mind, the culture was nothing but colorful, the landscape extremely foreign and exotic, the people naturally happy, and the food perfectly spicy.  The more I learned, the deeper my intrigue grew.  On the first day of fifth grade, we were each assigned a country to do a big project on.  We were to work on it all year and present it the last week of school.  My whole class wanted me to get America because they figured I'd give them all the juicies on Hollywood, NYC, and Coca-Cola.  Lucky for me, I pulled my favorite country out of the hat instead.  From Bollywood to Chicken Curry, from Sari to golden bangle, it is beautiful to me.  To this day, I have a deep pocket of dreams about India, though I may never get to visit the land of colors.