I psych myself out...every time

I'll admit it, I'm as guilty as a lot of ladies at watching what I say to a guy for fear of appearing “too forward?”. The other day, while talking with a good friend, he explained to me that when girls do this they might be accidentally sabotaging their chances of meeting and getting together with a great, available guy…and what does work to capture his interest.

Tell me if you’ve ever done this: you come across a guy who’s your type, but pretend not to be too into him because you think he might not be into you. Or perhaps you automatically assume he must already be taken. So you play it safe.  You look away when he looks at you, you get busy in a conversation with someone when he approaches you, or you distract yourself with something right after you talk so he can’t see how nervous you feel. And you do these things hoping he’ll make a “move” or do or say something that will send a signal that he’s interested in you, too.

If you’re thinking, “Yeah, that totally sounds like the kind of stuff I do when I meet someone I’m attracted to!” then you’re not alone. And you’re probably feeling pretty frustrated. That's how I feel!

Advice I was given - - WHY WHAT I'M DOING ISN’T WORKING
When you play it cool with a guy because you don’t want him to know you’re interested, guess what happens? You come across as disinterested – maybe even cold! Not the way you’d want a man you’re interested in to describe you, is it?

Most guys have been through the ringer – and have been rejected countless times by women. So a guy won’t automatically assume you’re interested in him. And he won’t attempt to decode your behavior. He’ll think you’re giving him the brush off, and he’ll try his chances elsewhere – with a woman who is warm, open, and shows him it’s safe to approach.

Start changing now - - SHIFT MY MINDSET…AND INCREASE MY ODDS
Now, I know why I play it cool – I'm trying to protect myself. Just like it’s hard for a guy to drum up the courage to approach me and risk rejection, it’s equally scary for me to put myself “out there” and not get anything in return. But here’s the thing. When I play it cool, I also unconsciously switch off that open place in my heart that captures a man’s genuine attention and interest. Instead, I end up taking in the attention of the men who choose me while limiting my ability to be the chooser...aka, nothing happens.

I miss the opportunities with all of those wonderful, emotionally available men who are out looking for a woman who has the confidence to find them.

What I'm going to do - - A MUCH COOLER APPROACH
How do you think men would respond if you were that woman who believed that every man you start talking to could be single, interesting, and interested? And how do you think men would feel around you if they didn’t see that you looked at them suspiciously as though they might be like some of the other men who disappointed you in the past?

Here’s what I want to do: for the next week, go out into the world and behave AS IF every man I meet will likely turn out to be a good guy…even my Mr. Right. That means that instead of playing it safe, I'll become curious and genuinely interested in the men I come in contact with.

When I let my guard down and assume the best in a man, guess what happens? He feels comfortable with me and accepted by me. These are two key elements a man needs to feel in order to see me as the kind of woman he can have a lasting, connected relationship with.