Oh the things I can do

As a class assignment, we had to mimic various famous writings.  These are a few of the ones I enjoy the most.  (The orange is my own writing)

Doctrine & Covenants 122: 6-7

"If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb; And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.  If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations;  if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring,and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you?  and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb;  And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee;  if thou be cast into the deep;  if the billowing surge conspire against thee;  if fierce winds become thine enemy;   if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

If thou art accursed with all manner of craziness if thine roommates drop to the floor if they tear thee from the company of thy homework and textbooks and essays and if with a double-feature thine and nail polish roommates tear thee from the bosom of the testing center, and of thine study groups.  And thine TA, although but 2 years older, shall cling to thy ID number, and shall say, My student, my student, why can’t you stay in class?  O, my student, what are the roommates going to do with you?  and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the movie, and thou be dragged to a girls’ night, and thine roommates prowl around thee like a vulture for the flesh of the carcass.  And if thou shouldst be cast into the lovesack, or into the hands of makeovers, and the sentence of all-nighter passed upon thee, if thou be cast into the pajamas; if the growing blanket-tent ascend before thee; if howling giggles become thine hypnosis if the night gather stardust and all the game choices combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of midnight showing shall linger open the dollar movie theater know thou, my friend, that all these things shall give thee a fun time....And shall help thee with sanity.

Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."

We hold these tests to be self-destroying, that all students are studying evenly, that they are endowed by their professor with certain unalienable study tips,that among these are Fun, Freedom, and the pursuit of the right study group. – That to secure these “good grades,” classes are instituted among students, deriving their extra credits from the consent of the TA, - That whenever any Form of Review Guide becomes unavailable to these striving geniuses, it is the Right of the Students to ask for or to receive it, and to institute a new Grading procedure, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their Graduation and Success.

Frederick Douglass’ What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?

"They were peace men; but they preferred revolution to peaceful submission to bondage.  They were quiet men; but they did not shrink from agitating against oppression.  They showed forbearance; but that they knew its limits.  They believed in order; but not in the order of tyranny.  With them, nothing was "settled" that was not right.  With them, justice, liberty and humanity were "final";  not slavery and oppression.

You may well cherish the memory of such men.  They were great in their day and generation.  Their solid manhood stands out the more as we contrast it with these degenerate times."

They were funny girls; but they preferred unending laughter to peaceful study sessions.  They were quiet girls; but they did not shrink from bursting at the seams with adventure.  They showed endurance; but they knew its limits.  They believed in schedules, but not in overbooking.  With them, nothing was “given up” that was not fought for.  With them, excitement, originality, and creativity were “ultimate”; not sadness and sorrow.  You may well cherish the memory of such friends.  They were great in their day and apartment.  Their solid friendship stands out the more as we contrast it with these stressful times.