I'm taking a "Literature and Film" class which is focusing on romance and relationships in the psychological sense. It's really quite interesting and insightful, not only into Hollywood, but everyday life as well. This is what our current discussion is focused on - Romance Addiction. I love a good sappy movie as much as the next lovey-dovey girl, but I definitely will consider myself a slight Romance Addict. Here's the characteristics...you decide if you fit the bill.
Characteristics
- Looking for the "buzz" (candlelight, flowers, romantic settings, and faraway places)
- More concerned with the setting than with the other person. Addicts can practice their disease even without a pseudo-relationship; a person who moves from one "cause" to another (setting people up, listing qualities and comparing potential partners)
- Use "form as a fix". If the situation is romantic and dreamlike, then everything must be all right. Addicts are talented in movielike settings, with background music, dim lights, AND illusion. They have learned about the feelings in relationships form movies and popular songs, and they continue to search for those feelings.
- Denial is an important part. The real world must never impinge upon the fantasy.
- Relationship must remain "like a fantasy"
- Vagueness is an important role; it keeps one from making a commitment to oneself and where one is.
- Like other addicts, romance addicts have very low self-esteem. They are always failures at their most treasured illusions and believe they could attract a true prince (or princess) if only they were more perfect. In their own lives, when the prince/princess illusion wears off, there is nothing there.
- Depend on superficial appearance - do not want to know their potential mates. They want to look good with them. Having a relationship is all the matters. If others see you with a "special someone" that's the goal.
- Addicts are experts at intimacy.
- Addiction is mood altering. One can get "high" from a song, a setting, a memory, an illusion, or a cause. In our society we are bombarded by these fixes. No matter what romance addicts have, it is never enough and it is never as good as the illusion.
- Addiction is progressive. Romance addicts spend more and more time in their illusions and remove themselves further and further from all aspects of their lives - their friends, work, and themselves. They don't spend time with close friends/roommates/coworkers because they are always with the potential mate and his friends/roommates/coworkers.
- Some may find it difficult to take romance addiction seriously, yet it is progressive and can be fatal to body, mind, and spirit. Being distracted by romance fantasies can be fatal while driving or when one is engaged in any number of other activities, not to mention the eroding aspects of loss of self-esteem, failed relationships, and a life of illusion.
- Move progressively away from reality, truth, and normal social mores and behaviors in the service of their addiction. Addicts can be teasers and home wreckers with little regard for others' needs or feelings.
- Romance addiction is one aspect of an underlying addictive process. Addicts become progressively dishonest, self-centered, blocked in their feelings, isolated, fearful, confused, dualistic, controlling, perfectionist, blinded to their disease (denial), insane, blaming, and dysfunctional.
Though you may not have all of the "signs" you may have bits and pieces of them. Don't deny your true colors. I admit that I enjoy the happy-endings where guy gets girl after working for her. I thrive on Jane Austen movies and books. I enjoy looking at other people's wedding pictures and "getting ideas". I like to fall asleep to sappy, lovey-dovey music so my dreams will be happy and I worry about how I appear to others when in social gatherings. DON'T
JUDGE....I'M JUST BEING ME!!!!
